Between Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, and John Mayer, I feel like there are only about 2 degrees of separation of everyone’s genitals in the music business now. And it probably smells awful.

All. Fucking. Day.

I thought I loved you, and then I saw the eye patch. I don’t love you. I FUCKING WORSHIP YOU. You will be missed, Mark. So so much. <3

Obvs, it was Ted Cruz. I’ll take my reward money now.

*Deleting all my Glee songs featuring Puck*

I think it’s brilliant. He goes to SNL because people watch SNL. Nobody is watching cspan.

Um, maybe you’re the thirsty one David Spade. Nobody gives any sort of fuck what you think about basically anything.

Thank you!!

Which liars?

I think for Mother’s Day, the next family function I am required to attend, I will show up with a Quarter Pounder with Cheese Combo.

I know that there has been a movement over the past several years for people to claim allergies when they really just don’t like something. It has caused restaurant workers, friends, and families to disbelieve people when they say it. People who claim allergies to onions simply because they don’t like to eat them has…

That sucks! Sometimes I feel like they don’t take me seriously. Like I’m making it up or something. About a year ago, I was at my sister’s house and she put out some dip. I asked her what was in it before I ate it. She told me different types of cheeses, tomatoes, peppers.... they all have been told over and over…

Thanks. I am honestly at the point where I’m wondering if they are right. Maybe it’s me. I’m the terrible person, and that’s why I don’t fit in. Sigh. The mind games families play can be torturous.

Thanks. That is partly why I try to only spend time with them during major holidays. They are draining, and I need my sanity.

I’m on my 2nd glass. And I’m sorry to hear your day was bad, too. Christmas sucks. I miss being that child who was so excited for Christmas, and being sad that it went too quickly. Now I’m all “Thank God this shit is over.”

I spent Christmas Eve with my parents and siblings, where the main course for dinner had ingredients I was allergic to. They all said they “forgot”, even though I’ve had this allergy for over 10 years. My silver keychain from Tiffany’s that I’ve had for years broke into three pieces. I have spent Christmas Day alone.…

Well, that’s depressing. I might end up seeing it anyway, since I like to watch all the Oscar-nominated movies. If this one makes the cut, I’ll watch it.

Me, too! I might see that and then see Concussion on Sunday.

Ugh, I feel you. On a positive note, my mother didn’t cry today in attempts to take attention away from the infant. So there’s that. I am enjoying the hell out of my wine knowing that I don’t have to do this again until Mother’s Day. Whew.