True heroes emerge when a woman needs a good fuck. Alan is a true hero.

Alan is blonde, and 6’4”. Not muscle-y. Super smart. Very classy, but he says “fuck” a lot. I dig him.

BETH IS THAT YOU?

Jesus. Are we all from the same place?

Mickey D’s: the post- “I’m so ashamed” food of champions.

I don’t hear of many Alans anymore. It really is a great name.

Are you from one of those small towns where there are lots of small towns, and then one larger town nearby where everyone eats and hangs out and goes to university? That was the case here. Alan went to a different HS about 30 minutes away, but we all went to the same university. I guess that’s where they met? IDK. But…

Right?!?! What kind of person thinks he might have a dick problem while drinking and then proceeds to drink heavily and try to fuck a woman? Robert failed.

I might let him know I’ll be in town in a few weeks.... :)

Did some “out of the box” thinking?

Right after my divorce was final, I traveled back home for Christmas. A few old friends found out that I was in town and wanted to meet up for dinner and drinks.

I suddenly feel good about myself when I notice that only one person in that Broad City pic knows where to look during a selfie.

Literary nerds unite! I’m giddy about this!!

It took me a long time to come up with this. Thanks for appreciating. ;)

It totally is, right? I worked on this for 3 weeks!!!!

This is the best thing. Thank you for bringing this into my life!

50 Shades

High five, God. For the first time in a long time, I agree with and understand every one of these tweets. Except for Derulo. My answer there is no.

Excuse me, I need to go watch Heathers again RIGHT NOW.

Entirely possible, if I consider your username.