Technically, +19!

People still pay the DUGGARS. God help us all.

It’s not that we’re turning our backs on him, but the controversy is getting too much to deal with.”

Not a care to give about this fucker, I’m just happy you guys are back to work today. I can’t imagine day two of having to find something to do to keep busy at work.

You have just signed the Pratt/Faris Love death warrant. You know that, right?

90 feet (30 yards) is like the distance between first base and the home plate. Children that age are often farther away from you than that in your own home.

MINION TRUTHER!!!

Because minions are anthropomorphized Twinkies, which kill children much more slowly, in order to extract maximum consumer value.

How do we know the Minion wasn’t the one to push her out in the first place? WAKE UP AMERICA!!!

I don’t want to die on this hill or anything because I’m not invested in the show (have seen it, liked it), but it really does feel like any comment on non-nomination by any non-nominee about their non-nomination for any award is poor sporting it.

This isn’t missing out on a promotion or a raise, it’s complaining you didn’t get employee of the month.

Reading the Twitter comments after Caitlyn Jenner is on national TV and you start to understand why 40% of trans people commit suicide

What do you mean, “live animals”? Like, too-hungry-to-kill-it-”humanely”-so-I’ll-just-bite-its-head-off-while-its-breathing “live animals"? What in the fuck is that all about? That guy sucks.

Bear Grylls is the Dane Cook of survival experts.

Adultosaur might end our friendship over this, but I just really can’t stand T. Swift’s overly-curated Insta-life. And I say this as someone who loves her music and also her cats.

I'm actually really surprised that Scientology doesn't have its own weight loss program a la Narconon. Come on, Miscavige, you're missing out on big exploitation opportunity here.

Oh sweet! Turns out I am "circus fat!" Excuse me, I have to go update my LinkedIn! :D :D :D