Plus police have been called to the bar 69 times! Who could resist such low-hanging fruit?

Eager Beaver...Carter's Caboose....so many jokes. I feel like Chandler in that Friends episode where he bet he could go a whole day without making a joke about the rest of the group but couldn't make it the whole day. To be fair, Ross was wearing leather pants.

I mean Lauren Conrad seems like a nice person and all, but she has to realize she's built an entire lifestyle empire on "basic." This is a person who thinks anyone needs tutorials on how to make a sandwich or tie a leaf to a candle. She is Pinterest in human form.

I don't get the drug free birth thing. To me it seems like getting a root canal without novocaine, just to...prove we have a high pain threshold? I'm not judging, I swear to god I'm not, do whatever you want. I just don't GET it.

I remember reading a book set in a matriarchal society where one character commented to a foreigner, "We trace lineage through the mother's side. One can never be certain who the father is." It was a throw-away line, but it's stuck with me for decades.

That being said, I kept my name when I got married because I'm…

Yup. Unsolicited grabbing of genitalia always deserves a slap, regardless of the gender(s) of involved parties. Glad we're all in agreement.

The heart wants what the heart wants.

I give Tim McGraw a pass, because if someone reached up and grabbed — or even tried to grab — my crotch-area I would do way worse than slap them. Instinctually.

Who is a bigger douche: Zach Braff or Jason Biggs? Very important life altering determination here.

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I have a younger brother and sister who are twins and were five or so around the time a few relatives/parents' friends were getting married, which made me one jealous eight-ish-year-old.

The wedding I attended a few weeks ago had a flower girl who carefully dropped three petals on the burlap carpet thing and then wandered over to where her mom was sitting and passed the full basket off to her before toddling up to the front. That shit was WEAK.

My best friend had two flower girls at her wedding. One of them had always badly wanted to be a flower girl, and was gleefully scattering petals in her 30s, that being her first chance.

because it is a slippery slope that leads to you planting a flag in the Sahara desert?

"Then she said to me, 'Can I tell you what I wished for?' I said of course and she said, 'I wished for a rainbow unicorn for a pet, a real one,'" her mother recalled.

I wanted to be a flower girl so badly when i was little. Mom finally crushed my dreams when i was like... 12.

That's what we did. Three siblings from Pine Ridge, which is where my wife grew up. They were never, ever going to be adopted, especially together. So the very least we've done is give them a safe place where they can stay with each other.

Especially when those of us who don't want kids are branded as "selfish". You want a child because it's the only kind of immortality you can imagine but you think I'm selfish?

Best thing to ever happen to me, EVER, (and I've had a pretty sweet life) was to have been adopted out of Foster care when I was 15 months old. Please do that when you are ready and able!

Yeah, except now they're teaching you that you better really enjoy the four-or-so years you spend hitting the books, 'cause afterwards you're going to be right back at that shitty job. Minus 4 years of incremental raises and a promotion to night shift manager.