SERIOUSLY. I was all ready to support their cake habit, because hey, it’s a cute anniversary thing to do, even if they could order the same kind of cake and have a fresh one. But dark fruitcake barely qualifies as cake.

You’re right—you don’t need to forgive him. I’m sorry you grew up in a house like this. (hugs)

At parties: “This is my adopted Iraqi child, Raheem.”

Seriously. And I know I would have done the exact same thing in her place at fifteen-years-old. We need to do a way better job of teaching girls their bodies are theirs and they’re always allowed to say no—as loudly and aggressively as they need to.

SAME. I had mostly guy friends in high school because our class was small and I didn’t click with most of the girls in my grade, which got me to hanging out with all the nerdy guys. We all took higher level classes and got good grades. I was never attracted to any of them so ‘distraction’ was never an issue.

Same. My dad even rode and we knew people with horse farms, so it would have been a given for me to ride, but I never got the horse bug. I was too busy running around after the barn cats.

I guess for most marathon runners, you don’t expect to win. A medal’s a sign you finished it. But I don’t know many third graders who say “It was a personal accomplishment,” after a soccer game.

This lemon and lentil soup is easy as fuck to make, cozy, and healthy for when it’s January and you’re trying not to be a pool of head cold and need to send goodness to all your senses.

This isn’t souping; this is brothing. Don’t drag the good name of soup into this, fad diets!

Did anyone ever feel better after getting a participation trophy? I remember being on many a losing soccer team as a kid and going to the big youth awards whatever thing at the end of the season, only to feel like “why the hell am I wasting my time with this?” The kids on the losing teams already know they’re not…

Agreed. A coworker who’s on maternity leave recently stopped by the office to say hi and go out to lunch with another coworker. We were all cooing over her baby, and she said she was just so excited to be in a room with grown-ups again. I think as long as you generally enjoy your job, you don’t want to be home alone…

I barely even recognized Washington in these photos. How was there not ONE even slightly better picture?

And for every picture I was sure I looked fat in, in about five years I inevitably look back and think “Whatever, I looked cute as fuck.”

• Christmas presents not for immediate family members. Why am I wasting my money on stuff for a ton of people and why are they wasting money on me?

Confession: Joanna Newsom kind of scares me.

I thought the ghost was pranking him by pulling down his pants, and he passed out because he was so scared.

I literally just thought “Oh, maybe childbirth is okay if you get snacks after.”

And I will always accept people’s pet photos, while I ignore 75% of the baby photos.

Damn, could I have used that ghost in middle school!

Can someone’s mom volunteer to take my place at future bachelorette parties? Because I’m so done with them.