Here’s a completely unexpected story that’s bound to surprise: at a major national company* that everyone despises (for reasons unrelated to gender disparity), the manager told my (female!) recruiter he wasn’t comfortable hiring me because I was 1) a woman and 2) married. But it’s all a myth! Pay is already equal and…

Right, and that would’ve been all the defense he needed of the original incident: “I’m dumb! I messed up!”

What blows my mind here is that if this idiot had just said “I got too drunk and peed in a gas station, guys. Sorry – but look how ripped I am!” it would have been over. Because Ryan Lochte is rich, white, attractive, and talented.

Honestly, watching Fox News for 10 minutes helps to explain so much of the insanity going around. It really is like a parallel universe.

That this happened in Clearwater is all the evidence we need to assume drunk spring break bros were involved.

Today, in the year of our lord 2016, is the first time I’ve ever actually been excited about squad news. Sorry*, Taylor.

I sincerely don’t give a damn about Donald Trump (external of the terrifying possibility of his presidency) or his personal life.

And my husband said that I could have one

Would star your beautiful kitty if I could, but Kinja denies me.

I’m sure she didn’t know (though I’ve got to believe it will be pointed out to her a million times in the next few years), but I’m a little stunned by the coincidence. It’s a really lovely name but ... did she not do a google search? The spandex references are going to stick to this kid for years. This is coming from…

Right after she tells Lula she’s named after printed leggings.

When the NRA is involved, the only thing I feel I can ever “rest assured” about is that there will be some serious misdirection not far in the future and also probably a side helping of unnecessary death.

MAKE INDICTMENTS GREAT AGAIN.

BUT SHE’S GOING TO BE INDICTED ANY DAY NOW.

So, for those of us who don’t have kids, can we expect these returned dressers to show up in the clearance section? I could use a cheap deadly weapon disguised as furniture, and also maybe some extra storage.

The shooting in Charleston occurred at the Emmanuel A.M.E. church in Charleston, not at First Baptist.

Haha yep. I almost responded trying to guess which park this was, but then I realized that I’ve personally seen similar things in at least 3 parks in 3 completely different parts of the state.

Ooof. Too true.

My personal favorite Florida/Alligator story:

For real. I grew up on the west coast and just said (in the greys, where I expect to be until my eventual death) we need to change our “Welcome to Florida” highway signs with something more along the lines of “Everything in Florida will try to kill you. Enjoy your stay.”