haha someone needs to turn that into a romcom. The doorman is happily married with kids but I still stop by to see him when I am in the neighborhood.

Please tell me you started dating the doorman after that.

Cornstarch should do the trick. It’s already used in products in place of talc.

He said he was concerned his passport would get stolen, which still makes no sense.

One January a few years ago I was visiting dogless friends and their baby. The baby was gnawing on a dog’s chew toy. I said, “Your daughter is...” and the mother said, “Isn’t it great? It’s a teething ring. My parents gave it to her for Christmas.”

Yikes.

A) fuck your mom, what a horrific way to treat your child

This gift wasn’t given to me personally but it was still pretty awful from my perspective:

This made me take a sharp breath because it so perfectly encapsulates toxic workplaces. 

I’ve never heard of this guy until now. She’s Faith the Vampire Slayer. 

In the tapes the CBS lawyers showed, they thought that Eliza cursing on set was all the proof they needed to show that SHE was the problem. The video contained cut and dry examples of sexual harassment happening in real time, and it didn’t even register to them that they were shooting themselves in the foot. But a…

Yeah, I think what Prachi actually meant to suggest was that Armie Hammer become RBG’s blood boy and supply fresh weekly transfusions* to keep RBG hale and hearty to age 120.

Armie Hammer:
1. has possibly the dumbest name of all time
2. and also is so predictably handsome that I am angry I want his bone. Like, of COURSE I would find this man attractive. Ugh. Will I never be free of your rumbly voice and captivating eyes?? Why do you make me confront my own basic-ness? He makes me want to…

John Mayer is that obnoxiously cute guy from high school you were dumb enough to let break your heart once. The kind you earn all your friends about afterwards. Who later tell you they wish they listened.

“Canis”ius college? Is this the lead researcher? I sense that there may possibly be a conflict of interest.

0.0000000001 percent problems.

Tom Cruise is 5'9" just like all guys on the Internet have 9" dicks.

Not true. I find my pug’s snoring comforting, like white noise. Human snoring on the other hand...

I’m just going to sit here and wish they hadn’t killed Khal Drogo .