And yet, you gave me a click, dumbass. Seems to me I executed my job perfectly.

I assume this tweet is Dunham’s way of saying, “you said you’d love me until you die, ‘till you die, BUT YOU’RE STILL ALIVE!.”

As my wife always says, all mushrooms are edible once.

This person did little-to-no research when writing her cookbook, which any good chef can tell you, is a recipe for disaster.

My wife and I have an abiding belief that every person on the planet should be made to work at least one year in the service industry, be that retail, food service, customer support, or what have you.

The idea behind this belief is that while having walked a mile in the company shirt won’t stop everyone from shitting…

...yet.

Well he’s incompetent, cruel, and failed to get a majority of voters to support him... he believes a lot of junk that is obviously untrue to anyone with a cursory understanding of science and reality...that’s certainly Hitleresque, no?

“...6 million Jews and millions of other undesirables...”

If Coca-Cola doesn’t get it’s precious nickel per drink, how will they pay their mercenaries in third world countries?

“Don’t blindly respect the office” is hardly hysterics. Personally, I don’t see what’s so exciting about meeting a President on its own. A President I liked, sure. But I think that being excited to meet any President? That sounds to me like you’re more prone to hysterics.

You left out the child molestation part.

“We have to get a photo with him that would be so cool!”

the restaurant posted a photo of one of its customers—Attorney General Jeff Sessions

Now, you and I both know Europeans aren’t “immigrants.” Otherwise, Trump wouldn’t have married two of them.

I only had one. I have it somewhere. My cousin has another one. We should have tried to get more.

“Should a server ever friend a customer on Facebook?”

The woodgrain makes the whole thing complete.

I can play those Independence Day Floppy disk games again

You already know the answer - you just think it shouldn’t apply to you, for some reason.

In Mexico and Latin America they just wrap the top with plastic wrap.