When I was in third grade I started school a week late because my family was in Europe. When I got back I thought all my friends would be excited to see me but instead I found out that someone had started a rumor I had died.

Man, I was sure the sex worker one would be a winner!

Also, a GIF spa kit to help take away the ick of that crowd.

Once, on a winter break vacation, my family and I were in a Chinese restaurant (in Hawaii), and like, midway through our meal, realized it was December 25th. We Jew so hard we don’t even have to try.

Do you acknowledge that a definite pattern of specific behavior exists among a definitely specific ethnic group called Jews?

Renae Plant impresses me as the Dolores Umbridge of pre-school headmasters.

My family has a secret like that. I’m not really sure who knows so I keep my mouth shut. But I’m seriously wondering if/when it’s going to come out at some point (likely during a funeral, I’m guessing) and what the ramifications might be. That ought to be fun.

I’ve been to three funerals in my life, but my great grandmother’s funeral when I was seventeen has to be the weirdest/most uncomfortable one of them all.

After being dead for 18 years, my father in law still has a stalker.

At least you got bread pudding.

Okay, so let me preface this with a trigger warning: This story relates to the death-by-firearm-suicide of a young person, and includes some description of his body post-mortem. Just putting that out there for people who find that difficult to deal with.

The guitarist from my old band died quite unexpectedly at a youngish age after a long battle with what we could only assume was a bad combo of Tourette’s syndrome and Aspergers and an accidental toxic combo of the questionable drugs he took to keep all that in check. Rather than a typical funeral for a strange and…

So a week after I started this job, a guy who no longer worked at the publication I worked for died in a car accident. I never met him, and he was a copy editor so it wasn’t like I was familiar in any way with him through what he wrote.
But nevertheless, the EOC said everyone needed to go. So I went. And somehow the…

I am going to keep this one short and sweet.

This is not a problem for those of us currently not eating gluten.

“Good grass at the Quail.”

QUICK! GET THE WORD OUT TO ALL THE WHITE WOMEN!! Time to Columbus this thing stat!

“I am where Mentality has always come from. I am Mentality. I am an athlete. I am a scholar. I am a musician. I am an artist and a maker. I am also a fighter.”

So, they do realize that Batwoman is a lesbian, right? So is she going to only do girl-girl scenes?

good thing the police caught them all both