Little known fact about David Eckstein: He has tried over 30 DUI cases in his career, all of them involving Tony LaRussa.

Sorry, I'm still confused. If all those books are on his desk, then what the hell is he sitting on?

The most absurd part of this is that Deadspin is based in Manhattan, yet had to source an unrelated photo of pigeons for the story.

Wilkerson clearly got pushed forward and to the left....forward...and too the left. I'm pretty sure the push came from the grassy knoll

Unfortunately for the Bucs, MRSA is not a Pokemon.

I'm positive that there are a few first-degree connections to Ray Lewis, but I can't prove it.

When police arrived, they had to first contend with a laughing brown dog.

That tag hasn't been used since John Wayne Gacy live-tweeted his basement remodel.

John McClain's initial report suggested that the three may have been cut for taking hostages in a skyscraper in Los Angeles

I'm sure you'd be first in line to see the Atlanta False Equivalencies.

If they were playing Winnipeg would San Jose have been willing to settle for whistling ominously at each other, maybe a little synchronized dancing with aggressive finger snapping?

Big deal—I bet that bear doesn't even play tetherball.

Pictured: Hoboken mayoral candidate, Dawn Zimmer.

If there's a way to profit from football no one watches, the Jaguars would like to know about it.

"HA! Now you HAVE to give my liberty, you dicks."

This is blatantly offensive and a horrible misrepresentation of history.

Funny, when I first read that a pair of boobs gets you free pizza I just figured Papa John's had signed Eli Manning to an endorsement deal.

What about rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and…

Detective : "Mr. Hernanadez you are entitled to one phone call"

Yeah, I won't watch it with him on there.