So I says to Mabel, I says...

Really it just sounds like a fucking massage, so revolutionary...

Well yeah, who wants to wait for standard ground shipping when you can get free 2-day delivery on your mail order bride?

Really, it boils down to one thing and one thing only. If NCAA players are allowed to actually earn money from their likenesses, be it by way of the schools paying them or being allowed to sign endorsement contracts, then there is less money in the pool for coaches. Boeheim can throw out any half-assed argument he can…

There’s a pretty fucking significant difference between shit talk and outright bigotry.

Where the fuck does Paul get the idea from that it won’t open any doors? The only reason that it’s popular to shit on Limp Bizkit is because Limp Bizkit is itself popular. Like, nobody is shitting on bands that people haven’t heard of because people haven’t heard of them. We’re not talking about like an openly white…

I fucking hate shaving so I just stopped doing it. Which is to say that my beard has an exceedingly common origin story

Barstool is the Larry the Cable Guy of sports reporting. Too lazy, stupid and un-creative to do anything actually interesting or worthwhile the only way they can cultivate any sort of attention is by appealing to the lowest common denominator. And, just like Larry the Cable Guy, they’ll find that that approach only…

You really think it will take that long?

Basically yeah - it’s pretty easy to see nothing wrong with the clear bag policy if it has no impact on you whatsoever. The fact that any guy that would want to bring a bag would also have to have a clear plastic bag is 100% immaterial considering that a) a significantly smaller portion of men will want to bring a…

Currently playing doesn’t make a difference. No one is saying that Erik Karlsson today > Bobby Orr in his prime, just that Erik Karlsson today > Bobby Orr today which seems pretty much indisputable

I know plenty of men who aren’t necessarily pro plastic-bag rules, they just don’t see what the big deal is because it doesn’t impact them in any way

To be fair, I’m pretty sure that even in his current state of recovery Erik Karlsson today is a better defenseman than Bobby Orr today

Claiming that that wasn’t a pick by Bennett is fucking absurd. He’s not looking back at Rodgers at all there, and claiming that he “barely touched” Poole is not even remotely supported by the clear video of Bennett shoving Poole off of the route. That doesn’t mean that the Packers don’t have a legitimate complaint…

How many consecutive weeks have you had Marvin Lewis listed on the chopping block? I think it’s time to come to terms with the fact that he’s clearly never getting fired. This is his 15th season in Cincy, the only active coach who’s been in his role longer is Belichick. Of the 7 coaches who have been with their teams…

“You will not replace us” is the dumbest fucking slogan imaginable. Guess what dumbasses - nobody wants to replace you. When you remove a cancerous tumor you don’t fucking replace it, you destroy it and hope that you got it all before it spread to the rest of the body.

A Canadian who is the US Kids Golf world champion - there’s a lot of contradiction to unpack there...

I think that they’re banking on it making a significant number of people morbidly curious enough to try it, and they’re confident enough in their product that after trying it those people will buy it again.

When did the Superdome get renamed Megatron’s Butthole?

To be perfectly fair, there is effectively no difference between a 1-point lead and a 2-point lead at that stage of the game so going for 2 there is objectively the right call. It’s just that the Falcons did the one and only thing that they absolutely could not under any circumstance do, something with astronomically…