Brady was just taking some advice from one the greats:

John Scott 3 is the return to form after the much maligned sequel, John Scott 2: John Scotter

It must have been an uplifting experience for them.

Don Lemon then demanded to get an interview with this Marshall Law.

“Long odds be damned, you’re buying lottery tickets where the drawing is held by tiny, dehydrated-to-the-point-of-near-mummification speed freaks whipping the shit out of enormous meat robots bred for nothing but two minutes of win-or-die speed.”

My vote for the best sentence in the history of Adequate Man.

Sorry. If Anna Wintour shows up at my house, I’m doing the Condé Nasté with her ASAP.

By the way, the kids have not banned Shirtless Dad yet.

This literally took all of the wind out of my sails.

I’ve used the opening of King Crimson’s “Frame by Frame” as my ringtone for a decade now (and a MIDI version for a while before that). I didn’t choose the prog life, the prog life chose me.

1-48. Various Ringtones Preloaded On Phone.

This is the worst thing I have ever heard. You have ruined my day.

And if you run on the left, don't get pissy when you encounter a walker. As long as they're moving, they're using the side correctly. No one is required to race up or down the stairs.

On escalators (DC's metro system has many long escalators), stand on the right, walk on the left.

no standard toilet could possibly bear the weight of a three-ton cyborg sitting

For smaller missions.

This is Bill’s ride

THAT PIECE OF WHITE TRASH THINK HE’S A MAN FOR POPPING A BONE BACK IN HIS WRIST! LET ME SAY IT, THE BIG BAD BOOTY DADDY SCOTT STEINER IS A BIGGER MAN THAN THAT GUY WILL EVER BE, BECAUSE I POP MY BONES IN ALL MY FREAKS! THAT’S WHY IM FREAKZILLA, THAT’S WHY THEY CALL ME BIG POPPA PUMP, AND I’LL SHOW THAT PIECE OF CRAP…

Mulan’s okay. But Sleeping Beauty is the best. Mulan gets to fight Huns and stuff which is cool, I guess. But Sleeping Beauty gets to take a long nap and then wake up just in time for a party she didn’t have to help plan or setup. That’s like the perfect Saturday.

35 years ago, my stepfather took my mom to a minor league (Denver Bears) game on their first date. When he got up to go get them a couple of hotdogs he set his scorecard down, and when he came back he saw that my mom had picked it up and kept it going. That was the moment he says he knew he was going to ask her to…