I have never in my life seen as many "Ugly Americans" as I did on the plane from the US to Haiti.

It's because they know you had sex, and that's what they are thinking about.

My brother met my now sister-in-law when she was 6 months pregnant and divorcing her ex- husband. He was right there next to her when she was giving birth to my nephew (well, step-nephew) That was 12 years ago. It happens!

this dude faked going down on me once... did he think i wouldnt notice? i was so confused/appalled/horrified.

More cunnilingus references in pop culture, please!

There's are no "brand-new palimpests", Dougie.

Those aren't illegitimate concerns. They definitely need to be a part of the conversation.

I didn't buy my mom anything because she's not a very good mother.

I actually had a weird opposite experience to a lot of this. When I was single, I was all, "I really want to be with someone who's had some life experience." What happened? Wound up with someone who (at the time) was a virgin who'd only been in one relationship. I mean, don't get me wrong - it totally worked out. …

It samples the theme from "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly", that is why.

I had a lady boner for the movie Blue Lagoon when I was about 12. I learned all about the sex times from that treasure.

This hawk is tempted to lose her virtue to this dashing stranger.

I brought a sophmore to my senior prom.

What I really hate about swimsuit season (even though I are a dude) is that my pale-ass European skin will fucking incinerate in about thirty seconds if exposed to the Texas sun, even with a shitload of SPF 1000. So I'm always having to cover up (albeit STYLISHLY) and wear stupid hats.