I did this, but with rubber cement. I’ll probably get hand skin cancer in another ten years 😆

More so mid teens, I used to like to embarrass my Mum when grocery shopping. My favorite was pretending I was an astronaut; I’d pretend to walk on the moon without gravity and make the breathing noises. I also would sneak up and pinch her sides to make her scream.

Me and my best friend used to pour water all over the kitchen floor then get naked and slide across the kitchen on our stomachs. We called it “playing penguins.”

Memories! Also, the smell of Elmer's!

I carried my favorite stuffed elephant around the house by putting her on top of my head. All day, every day, from about age 7-9. What can I say, she fit perfectly.

I read too much, and I used to narrate my life to myself in my head.  Inner monologue way too literal.  

My siblings and I had an overly complicated version of “Last one there’s a rotten egg!” We would always say this line when running into the house, running to the dinner table, running to the Nintendo, running to the car, etc., etc. (ad nauseum) The sibling declaring this was always the one who jumped up first as they…

I would sleep in boxes. This went on until I was 10 or 11. My theory is that, because I had screwed up hearing (the hearing centers of my brain didn’t develop properly. I’m not deaf), it would be a very quiet place a corrugated cardboard is wonderfully sound absorbing.

When I was little, I used to take my dad’s can of shaving cream and pretend I worked at an ice cream shop. I would make shaving cream swirls on the bathroom sink, and then push them into the sink and run the water to destroy the evidence. My dad couldn’t figure out why he was going through so much shaving cream. I…

My sisters and I would pretend to be mermaids eating fish guts whenever we ate pepperoni pizza.

I was a very advanced reader and “gifted,” so I was reading long before I knew all the words used in a book or could pronounce them correctly. I also was sensitive.

In grade school, without a word, I’d get up from my desk and walk over to the craft cabinet. I’d open some glue and pour it all over one hand, then return to my seat where I’d watch it dry. I’d then proceed to meticulously peel off the glue and get up again to throw away the peelings. I’d do this in the middle of a…

I AM DOING THIS TONIGHT. Okay, probably tomorrow, because tonight I’ve gotta make a quick dinner salad and then finish deep cleaning the screen porch (are you proud of me? I even took all the cushion covers off the furniture and washed them, omg). I’ve made three loaves of banana-oatmeal bread (rill good) and a loaf…

I AM DOING THIS TONIGHT. Okay, probably tomorrow, because tonight I’ve gotta make a quick dinner salad and then…

1. Paltrow and Falchuk don’t normally live together, so it’s not surprising they’re having issues (while also driving business to one of GOOP’s sketch-as-hell consultants).

Let's be honest, living in an aircraft hanger with Gwyneth Paltrow would be close quarters. 

The only intimacy I’ve discovered since the Great Hunker-Down -- something that makes me better in bed -- is that edibles really help me sleep... and boy do I need the sleep.

Basically all of the sex I have happens at home when my kids are in the house. Pro-tip: wait until they go to bed, and close your door.

Vanilla, chocolate and strawberry is a weird combo for a pizza though

Yeah, my favorite is Domino’s...without the crust soaking up all the grease, it just turns into particle board in the microwave.

Just get Papa Murphy’s and bake it yourself.  Their pizza is better than the big chain pizza anyways.  My favorite is the chicken bacon artichoke.