Fucking, Patty.

Here’s an idea: How about a little less SOUNDING and lot more BEING. #take #hottake #takeittothebank #thetakeimakeishotterthanthetakeyoumake #blessed

I think Bob Costas dyed his hair with kool-aid.

This entire year is gonna be like watching Brett Favre get his skull bounced off the Metrodome turf on a loop.

Don’t forget to include fact that this is the only 90 minutes of the entire season that:

Did they steal six pairs of jorts from the Kevin Smith Collection©™? Because of that would seem to be a pretty fucking efficient thief-to-jort ratio.

This parking job takes some fucking balls. AMIRITE!? Get it? Balls? It's funny because her car is filled with ping pong balls. Also, she does not have testicles. The joke works on multiple levels.

Blandino: Dude, follow whatever instructions we give.

I mean...c'mon.

Those teams are totally getting screwed and don't understand how time works.

Nowhere. Or the top of the key. Either or.

Uh, it's the Lone Pine Mall, dude.

The folks in the ESPN PR shop know their shit. They see a negative article coming down the pike, so they release a major announcement of their own.

Oh man, now those are what I call hard takes. These takes are so hard I want to use them to crush a bushel corn into cornmeal. Then I want to take that cornmeal, turn it into corn tortillas, and make myself some fish tacos. Fish tacos are great and the best ones start with hard takes. Because, it's like my dad always…

I'll also note that last night was the anniversary of the last night Lamar Odom was involved in anything with an anniversary worth noting.

Fuck yes, the Gloria Record.

GRILLI: "Hey, Sheff! How were the meetings?"

This guy just wants y'all to know that, unlike Alabama, the state of Louisiana allows its universities to acknowledge the fact that dinosaurs once existed.

The duct tape is to keep mom from turning the light on during the League of Thrones draft because THERE WAS NO ELECTRICITY IN WESTEROS, MOM!!! GAWWWWD!!