-1/2 star for taking the joke too far and for missing ‘involved’

Yes. You were so busy preemptively shitting on everybody, you forgot to say something funny or interesting.

Manziel says he and Gordon are testing themselves and staying positive.

FYI the pic you used is one of a kid eating dippin dots...so.....

Some asshole stole Bartolo Colon’s belt and is showing it off in the background.

I’m guessing he’s trying to avoid like 1,500 guys asking to smell his finger.

Neat little fact: the “crosse” in “lacrosse” means the stick itself. In other words, lacrosse is French (or bastardized French-Canadian) for “the lacrosse stick.”

I did this once from the passenger side of the car, over the roof, into the bucket. I peaked at a young age.

One time my brother threw a quarter into the toll tray from two cars back (the guy was one coin short and taking forever). The gate went up and I actually applauded from the passenger seat. This is the only thing I’ve seen that compares to that.

The pancake got a better tip than most IHOP employees.

“Looks like he got pancake’d on that one.”

(crowd lustily boos lack of effort)

Highlight of my youth baseball career: playing left field when the other team’s big hitter absolutely crushed one down the line a hundred feet over my head. The left field fence was 380 feet to the pole and didn’t even belong to the baseball field, it belonged to the next field over. Ball bounced twice and somehow…

It’s a shame they didn’t have those field mics that give you crystal clear audio of the action. Then we might have finally known if Prince knew what he was talking about.

Different one. This one is addicted to knee surgeries.

I was slouched in my chair just now, breakfast plate perched precariously on my FUPA. When I read this tweet my torso twitched with an involuntarily spasm of jubilation, causing the plate to wobble. A piece of Banquet© Brown ‘n Serve Beef Sausage rolled off onto the floor! Fully woke, I sprang into action, grabbed the…

I’m hoping this comment section turns into all of our favorite tweets:

Well this explains 2 things. 1) Howard’s rebounding stats over the years, as the ball would stick to his hands, and 2) Howard’s low free throw percentage and lack of a jump shot, as the ball would stick to his hands.

I shouldn’t have laughed at this... but here I am. I might still be drunk from last night’s UConn travesty. Take your +1 and leave me with my maybe hangover.

Dwight Howard Scouting Report