Long live Marilyn "Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say" Hagerty.

Every time I write about her, people question the sincerity of my devotion to Marilyn Hagerty.

Not even a joke, this lady is a far better writer than 90% of the people** currently in my advanced novel-writing workshop at a Canadian university that shall remain nameless*

well i mean... i haven't reached the end of the internet or anything, but i'm working on it. #goals

well i mean... i haven't reached the end of the internet or anything, but i'm working on it. #goals

I am a professional writer, and there is no way I could stand to write for Gawker if every time I posted an article I'd have to get shitshow about errors. Sometimes they creep in. I have two editors look at everything I write, and an occasional dropped letter will still make its way through. Just fix it and move on.…

People are being real dicks about the typos. Sorry about that, Mark. :/

It's a combination of being weak as fuck and typos no longer editing instantly, unfortunately. It sometimes takes several minutes to update.

I think I have always been wary of referring to her behaviour as gaslighting just because I'm never entirely sure how much she believes her own narrative. When she tells me that incident X didn't happen, I'm never sure whether she is trying to manipulate me or if she sincerely believes in her heart of hearts that it…

Denying things that actually happened is called gaslighting, in case you didn't know, and pretty serious emotional abuse in my opinion.

I think sometimes abusive parents have a tendency to believe the lies they've told themselves about how wonderful their children's childhoods were. Particularly if their children turned out to be decent adults.

That is not how you eat a butt. I am a bear. I know these things.

Am I a hopeless fuddy-duddy for refusing to get on Team Salad Tossing? I just...fecal-oral bacterial transmission, you guys. C. diff is no fucking joke.

OK fine but are we going to talk about the awesomeness of your user name sometime soon, y/n?

I think I have one that will finally top the pumpkin seed story. I hope you agree and decide to post it as its own article:

I have to agree, this wasn't quite the grossest thing I've ever read or experienced, but then, I'm a nurse with great experience in Interventional Proctology. But as first efforts go, it's not bad. Here's a pro tip for all: don't dig in your pooper with your fingers on a daily basis. It leads to prolapse of the anus.…

I've always loved this story. This is what gave me courage to manually ease discomfort when I'm constipated.

Misleading headline is misleading. I expected something more like...

My balls fit in a guy's mouth on the regular. They don't need that much room.

Didn't sleep 3 days after seeing THE TRAILER