[googles Birds 24/7]

I appreciate that. After reading you and the good doctor's comments it became blatantly obvious that the tone of "I'm so rad" was just odious. That one is going on a table in the way back.

This didn't work. I took it down after a couple guys who know what they're doing skewered it. It just simply was not a good idea. I think the best thing to do is just pick my jorts up and move on.

Thanks man, I appreciate it.

Thanks, but no. That wreck was pretty much a watershed moment in my life that caused my family a lot of pain and stress. I mean I can sort of joke about it now with close friends that know me very well because very fucking fortunately no one died, which could have easily been the case. I'm baffled as to how it struck…

Mental note: do not take the least funny thing ever and attempt to make a rollicking Sidespin post out of it.

Dufner is actually Wanamakering in this picture. While the trophy has names and other insignia etched into its surface, Dufner has a normal facial structure etched into a thick layer of fat.

Just remember that African American cops don't like it when you throw "Thanks for keeping our streets clean, you're a credit to the service" bananas at them.

Players became alarmed when Coach Malone jumped through the backboard when demonstrating proper layup fundamentals.

[Frantically files a shitload of lawsuits]

I'm sick of these Kardashians showing up everywhere just to get in front of a camera.

Thanks, man. I knew I should have prayed to them this morning.

[Aaron Dobson walks through humming corridor of his basement data center / laboratory, head down as he scribbles equations in notepad, arrives at droid #1's detention chamber]

Never change, Curt.

4 Ted Allens. 4 different compelling backstories.

Only if he was competing against three other Teds.

Do you think Ted Allen ever dreams about himself being a contestant on Chopped and having to make a unified dish out of 4 distinctly-flavored massive penises?

I prefer hip hop that is both dope and educational.

Things got awkward when Ford dramatically leaned over to rip a fart, as is his custom, and a baggie filled with maple leaves fell out.

/ skull implodes, emits pungent steam