At the very least, give that shit a haircut!

“...most men start measuring themselves at the taint.”

I’m judging the shit out of this guy for thinking that the appearance of a happy marriage is more important than, you know, an actual happy marriage. Imagine if he put as much energy into actually being a decent husband as he did into sneaking around. I’d bet dollars to doughnuts he’d soon lose the desire to go behind…

HOW DARE YOU SULLY THE TRADITIONAL AMERICAN FAMILY YOU DEVIANT

So much for the “it wasn’t one of ours” excuse, eh?

I wish it were. Then people like her would not be out in public, making the rest of us hurt with their dimness.

Dorothy look like a maniac at that speed. I love it!

And women to children, and feminism to childishness. Always a lovely touch!

So, you object to traffic laws? Laws saying you don’t get to molest kids in “exchange” for candy? Etc.?

DAT ASSSSSSS!!!

Oh Andrea, don’t worry. Men will ALWAYS have Ashley Madison all to themselves!

With one exception: Tampons, at least, are good for something.

I wish I didn’t bruise so easily. I’d love to join a team just to pick out a badass moniker like that.

That’s a killer whale of a pun!

...who are young enough to be their granddaughter, sometimes.

And of course, there’s always a Manic Pixie Dream Girl™ to help him piece it all together.

Suddenly, it all makes sense. TERRIBLE sense.

“I wish I’d had different kids.”

If it fits, kitty sits! Works especially great with boxes a little (or a LOT) too small for kitty. Example: Maru.

I can’t look. I can’t look. I CAN’T LOOK.