Given that this was Philadelphia, I’m pretty sure he just really, really, really loved the backup hitchbot, and felt it was time to make a change, given that primary hitchbot just wasn’t cutting it as a starter.

Well, I mean, where ELSE would you get a human head?  Are we telling linemen to go kill people to get the heads they need?

All NFL employed neurologists have been instructed likewise.

HE HAS SOME UNDERSTANDING OF GEOGRAPHY! HE’S ONE OF THEM! GET HIM!!!

Wait.

Self-tying sneakers are “inevitable?”

You really think this?

The market would show that I’m clearly in the minority here (possibly a minority of one) but I’ve started to think that almost every Nike ever made has been really, really ugly.

Brokers in NY are almost always paid by the renter, not the landlord.  It’s a nutty system.

I kind of wish we could switch to a SAP audio program during televised games, and hear fired NFL coaches from the prior season doing muddled, oddly opinionated play by play.  Rich Kotite could lead the halftime crew.

I think by the time I’d paid the deposit, first/last, and the broker, my first apartment after college in Brooklyn cost me 20% of what I made that whole year, just to walk in the front door.  That’s the part you save for... as a monthly expense you budget for it, sure, but in a bigger city the ancillary expenses of…

Elian Gonzalez cast a large shadow over federal electoral politics in Florida among the Cuban community.

Oh my god! Are you going on the cruise too?

It’s incredibly disappointing to realize that so many people don’t behave like assholes only because there’s a person in Special Hat standing there all the time telling them not to.

I mean, in the interest of fairness one must ask oneself “Well, IS Vince Wilfork’s wife ugly?”

I looked up Vince Wilfork’s wife, just to get a point of reference.  I’m not proud of this fact.

He deserves to have a role-playing spot on a team with a vague shot at relevance.  I’ve liked seeing him play, as a Knicks fan.  That, however, is like saying that one of the players in the orchestra on the Titanic was particularly enjoyable to watch.

He just hands people topically amusing pictures of cats. You really have to be there.

That and just really impeccable, constant mime work.  You can FEEL the wind when he’s pretending to walk into it, I tell you.

What the hell does he know about her insides, really?

Oh my yes, the FAN did not disappoint yesterday.  I tuned in expressly to hear the shocked, incandescent, impotent rage of the wild Jets fan.

Whenever he gives one of these scripted “act like a grownup” speeches, I feel like the only way he could seem less sincere would be if he were making the jerking off motion with one of his hands the entire time, and quizzically sneering.

Still less weird than the shoes.