I once had a flair chop executed on me so perfectly and brutally that it knocked the wind out of me and rendered me incapacitated. As the bar-fighting goon stood over me and let out a mocking "woooo!" I had one of my few moments of clarity and wondered what has become of my life.

I did. That's fucking appalling.

This is entirely because Obama burned him at the press dinner. I believe that. Trump's only idelogical stance is what I like to call the "Eric Cartman Doctrine."

Super predator would be a badass sci fi bad guy!

How about mentally ill? I'm a straight white male who is a master of self sabotage, self destructive behavior and substance abuse. I wouldn't say I'm lazy, could be a big dummy though.

I generally like the town, but there isn't really much there. Which is probably why getting fucked up and taking walks by the river was a regular activity. And the fair, of course.

I think Berwick has more meth labs than people. Also, high school football team that I'm pretty sure is all radioactive super mutants.

Oh fuck, with the winky guy on the can/bottle? I've had that a few times…it.is.awful. And, I mean, I'm an alcoholic. I drank malt liquor and $7 a fifth bottom shelf bourbon pretty often. (Pretty often, meaning, like daily for years.)

Ah yea, Beast Ice!

Bad fries are pretty much irredeemable. And good fries can elevate even a mediocre place.

Ladies and gentleman, Ralph Nader!

Genny Cream Ale!

I used to go drink at the dives like that in town, but everyone was freaked out by the ultraviolent townies and hicks that stalked those places and I couldn't get anyone but this methed-out maintenance man that lived in the basement of my building to go with me. It was either REAL dive or shitty college bar "clubs" in…

I was dating a waitress at Applebees years and years ago. She had me come to pick her up after her shift, but ended up having to work like another two hours. I got so fucking drunk at the Applebee's bar while I waited. Just sloppy. It was surreal to be that loaded in a family restaurant at 6 p.m. on a weeknight.…

Applebees sucks balls.

That was…delightful.

Yea. My wife was upset that they were still going to continue offering their services to this guy (who admitted he did what she accused him of) in the first place. Then her boss making those demands…it was a really upsetting and stressful time.

This photo does a nice job of covering up her red teardrop face tats and the latin kings ink on her neck.

Dude, she was alone in a house with a grown man who had her cornered, was screaming in her face and wouldn't let her leave for like 45 minutes and tried to grab for her when she made for the door.

That keychain was fucking nuts. To be fair, when she came home and told me what happened, I was like "here is a .38 revolver" which she, obviously and smartly declined.