I might be rattlin' a few cages, grinding a few gears or even stirring the pot, but I - honestly - don't even know what is offensive anymore. I'm not saying this in a grumpy, old, Fox-news watching jerk kind of way, but more in an unintentionally ignorant kind of way. Back in MY day, I thought I was pretty goddamn…

I like Mission:Impossible!

I'm excited for the Grateful Dead doc. I assume that I am the only one.

Yea. $5 is ridiculous for that. I can go to a local joint and get a fish sandwich, slaw and fries for like $6.99 that actually tastes good.

We've discussed our shared distaste for Panera before, but seriously, fuck Panera. I hate, hate, hate when my more "health conscious" and snobby friends make me go there when we need to grab a quick bite. For my wife and I it costs like $23 for a sandwich and a drink. You don't even get fries! You get a goddamn dinky…

Yea, pretty much all fast food and chain places dump salt by the bucket into their food. When I was head cook at a nursing home - three-michelin stars for that jawn! - the guy training me told me to just douse everything in salt. It was crazy. I was like "Isn't this, like, really unhealthy for all the olds?" and he,…

What's with all the fuckin' fast food articles.

I don't know how I'll ever get anything done again if that happens. I'll be knocking stuff over with my perpetual boner.

I was hoping the Day After Tomorrow material would be better, being that the movie played such a large role in scaring the living shit out of me as a child.

I think Ty Burrell is hilarious and he is pretty much the only redeeming factor at this point.

Doesn't he just want to fuck his mom or whatever?

This is an alarming amount of sexy.

Joe Walsh can suck on my fucking nuts. I'm done with this "if we state it civilly and logically it will seem reasonable and I will Win." You know what? Fuck that. Trump proved that it isn't a viable strategy. Fuck these pieces of shit. If we need to use hyperbole to trash them, then we should.

I used to employ an older evangelical woman. The type of lady who would clutch her pearls if someone said "ass." I know from e-mails she sends me (she still send e-mail forwards) that she is a HUGE Trump supporter.

I can't wait to tie all of my friends to the couch and menace them with a flamethrower!

In life there is only one rule I know of, and that is: Goddamn it, babies, you've got to be kind.

Yea, I always lock the door when I'm in the shitter.I don't generally care if someone witnesses the poopening. That's just a very vulnerable position to be in if you need to defend yourself against, say, an alien or a frankensteen.

I REJECT THE PREMISE OF THAT BOOK!

Nightmare is so much better than most of Halloween knockoffs of that era. Dream Warriors and New Nightmare are probably the only sequels that are "good" but I like most of them (except Freddy's Dead) for Nostalgia reasons.

I dunno. I just know I smell really fucking bad at the end of the day. I drive home with all the windows way down and strip to my undies in the garage.