Bailey Tallet. What a jaw-clenchingly irrititating machine-tooled imitation of a name.

And then he breaks through the screen and starts running around the theatre, crying and whining and punching people's heads off.

Holy mother of Yes.

How much do you want to bet that the leviathans of Supernatural turn out to be a bunch of guys in plaid shirts inexplicably scattered across the Midwest?

She's a bit like Ozymandias, turning herself into a figurehead and trying to maintain control of an image that threatens to get away from her. But yeah, that was not a good hour of television. The three identities thing was particularly odd, and while it might have ended up being interesting at some point down the…

"Hey Doctor, I got one order of fish fingers and custard WITH AIDS. Now sit your Time Lord cracker-ass down and eat it. And tip your fuckin' waitress."

I really wanted the Skitter to start tossing the globe around like Charlie Chaplin in The Great Dictator.

Ancient dead witches perpetuating mischief. Whether you're Smallville or True Blood, apparently season four is the ancient witch benchmark.

I think Splice was a cautionary tale about leaving Adrien Brody alone in a room with a genetically enhanced monster.

You know what would make this movie truly awesome? A Daft Punk cameo. "All this monster hunting is making me thirsty." "Yeah, let's go to the bar and take in some live music." Bam. Done.

You forgot about the big alien that unscrupulous butchers were hacking bits from in order to sell the meat. That's key to the Torchwood mythos.

I want to like this show. There are some interesting characters and heartbreaking moments, and the details about the aliens are being spooled out at a nice rate. But the interesting elements are like little flags planted in a giant mound of crap, and you have to strap on the hip waders just to get to the good stuff.

The most amazing thing about this show is the fact that the seasons still play out larger story arcs, even though 3,000 things happen in every episode.

"Archaeological digs in Africa..."

You are right. We will all stop talking now.

Charlie, after that awesome Transformers 2 review you gave a couple of summers ago (that was you, right?), I'm starting to think that Michael Bay is your muse. In fact, I'm thinking that Revenge of the Fallen is your critical touchstone.

A Bioshock-Simpsons mashup just appeared in my head.

Adenine Adenine Guanine Guanine Thymine Cytosine Thymine Cytosine B A Start.

But I demand an optimal Torchwood viewing experience. Did Starz and the BBC not consider my feelings when they went into this? They'll learn their lesson once I've torrented the episodes with extra disdain. And let me tell you, from now on all my Torchwood fanfic will be riddled with pointed comments. POINTED.

Sure she's foreign! To me, at least. I'm Canadian.