“High heat buttered” and “not smoking” are mutually contradictory unless you are using clarified butter.

You started losing me at thongs, then totally lost me with not resting your steaks.

Looks like he hasn’t aged a day since he filmed this Uggs commercial. 

Because, like the rest of America, he hates Tom Brady.

They know damn well he can’t run with shoes on.

I know we’re not supposed to question the coaching genius of Bill Belichick, but watching that gif makes you realize how easily Brady could have injured his shoulder being tackled on that play. Why in the fuck would you put your start quarterback in that position in the 4th quarter of a 17 point game, especially this…

The man has had nothing but a steady diet of sugar and processed meat, and trans-fats for almost his entire, putrid existence.

No seriously can this demented racist idiot just drop dead already

I completely agree with this sentiment.

Alex. You lose one hour *once* Just once. And everyone born after spring 2019 will NEVER lose it again. And fuck, it won’t be dark when you go home after 5 pm there come the deepest middle of winter. Isn’t that worth one last hour of your life? To not have that flip-flop is worth it, in spades.

Seriously. Same for the Giants and Skins. No NFC East matchups should be on prime time this season.

I’m sorry but I’m pretty sure “Let’s go to our history, not all the history” is the actual motto of the Texas Board of Education.

#1 tip for dealing with depression: don’t drink.

The number works, too.

The clothes are hideous!

Blackface aside (... I know), that’s one of the worst Beyonce costumes I’ve ever seen. 

Both chuck toys haphazardly around the field, yet fake-peter man gets thrown in jail while Nate Peterman is starting on Sunday. 

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered drunk and weary, Over many a quaint and curious volume of Buffalo football lore-

We're all in agreement that Winston is going to be fighting for the starting job in Denver next year, out of football the year after that, trying to make a comeback in the XFL the year after that, and dead of an Arby's overdose the year after that, right?

I understand drunk, entitled, racist, and just fucking mean, but what I don’t get is how in this Year of Our Lord 2018 these dumb assholes STILL don’t understand how the internet work.