You must be a lot of fun at the ever-decreasing number of parties you attend.

Do you ask everyone you visit if they have an assistant device? Quite frankly most people don’t realize I have an Echo (and it isn’t hidden, just out of the way) until I use it.

I am guessing you spend a lot of time outside then considering nearly every phone now has an always on listening feature - do you harass the people you visit to see if they have turned it on? Do you make people put their phones in a freezer when they visit you? What about your own phone?

Whoa... I get refusing to purchase one but you legitimately won’t go into/leave a home that has one?  Like you’ve actually blacklisted certain friend’s houses because they own one of these devices?

I have some bad news: Google Assistant and Siri are built into Android and Apple phones. People are carrying around listening devices when they visit your home!

I’ve been waiting for JARVIS technology my whole life, so I was super-jazzed to get an Echo Dot. I have better luck with it than others I know, especially my parents, and I think it’s because I embraced her as my new robot friend right out of the box. I look at at the Dot when I’m talking to her, am apologetic when…

I tan straight through an SPF 70.* I use it anyway because otherwise I burn but if I get cancer someday that’s just the way it goes. Because I’m neither staying inside nor wearing long sleeves when it’s 85 degrees. I’m not intentionally tanning, but it’s a side effect of my outdoor activities. I just wish the tan line…

You even have trolls I see...

a 51-year old white man proudly throwing chicken shit at a restaurant while shouting “make America great again” and misquoting scripture is just about the Trumpiest goddamn thing I’ve seen or heard about during this shitshow.  I have NO doubt better examples will be seen.

That’s what I clicked for. I want my click back.

Parents on one flight, kids on the other?

Ding ding ding.

Agreed. Be more like Maxine Waters and nothing like Chuck Schumer. 

Why is America and Europe so backwards? I live in Southeast Asia and 99% of the toilets have “bum guns.” Like the water gun next to kitchen sink, but next to the toilet. You just wash you butt and feeling fresh as fuck. Paper is only to dab to dry, if there is even paper. Disgusting really that we just smear shit…

Just to be clear, it is OK to throw them in the trash but do NOT flush them. Ask any plumber or landlord - no matter what it says on the label, they are not flushable. You can end up causing many thousands of dollars of damage to your pipes.

Fun fact: In Pakistan, where I live, the word for a bidet is “lota.” This is also the word for a politician who frequently switches party allegiance because, presumably, they’ll clean anyone’s ass.

Do a bit of travel to Central America or Southeast Asia and you will become immediately comfortable with throwing your toilet paper in a bin and throwing it out regularly. One gets so used to it that it becomes habit for the first few days that you’re home. Given the state of my 140 year old septic system, it won’t be…

Here in SE Asia we use hand held bidets, better known as butt sprayers. They’re everywhere including virtually every hotel bathroom. Every house has them in every bathroom. My house has bidets and butt sprayers.

I’ve been re-watching eps of Game of Thrones lately and the Night King and the rest of the Others don’t seem that bad in comparison. They take in and adopt the babies abandoned by Craster, everyone is welcome in their ranks regardless of origin, and they’re actively fighting global warming.

Oh god, no. This little bible thumping subhuman weasel. Arghhhh