Unlike the person in the product pic, at least I usually pull my pants down. And they tell me I’m doing it wrong...

Unlike the person in the product pic, at least I usually pull my pants down. And they tell me I’m doing it wrong...

An ex of mine lived across the street from a little strip mall. We got to know the video store, pizza place (Pizzasaurus Rex!) and liquor store so well that we could order from all three and the pizza delivery guy would pick up our videos/beer for us while delivering our pizza. All that weed induced sloth made me gain…

I knew I’d been ordering too often from our local pizza place when one day the delivery guy noticed that I’d lost weight.

It’s more like “If Hillary were a man with those same qualifications, she’d be predicted to win by a landslide.” The “woman card” has only gotten her sexist bullshit over the years and made it that much more difficult to achieve what she’s achieved. The only advantage the “woman card” gets any of us is the occasional…

For the record when people say “New York Values” they mean white and black and brown people living next door to each other. Gays freely walking the streets and going to bars to enjoy themselves. Muslims, jews, christians, atheists, all shopping, dining, etc together. Everyone living the lives they want without trying…

I normally enjoy reading Angry Asian Man, but I don't feel like he understood who the butt of the joke of that poem is supposed to be. When I first read that poem I was 95% certain it was mocking the practice of white urbanites/hipster/foodie types Columbusing ethnic cuisines to feel culturally superior. I feel like…

Surely you can smuggle some in? The nursing home my mom used to volunteer at had this bullshit no booze policy, and all one of the ladies (in her 90s, no family around) there wanted for Christmas was a nice bottle of red wine. You can bet we made that happen for her.

First of all, white people, come get ya girl. Rap didn’t ask for this bullshit.

Nolo contedre—my friends and even my detractors!—that’s what it is. Make no mistake, we’d love a verdict that allows for—look! Every American is tired of the liberal—the conservative—the gun-toting redbloodeds, like a Muslim would. The rapid advance of Islamic, call it what it is. That’s why, for a verdict that I have…

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I ask guys by the second date if they would have a problem buying me tampons, and I’ve never had a guy who did not quickly assure me that he would be happy to. Donnie, you’re a douche. (Oh, and refusing to buy your woman tampons causes autism, it’s a scientific fact.)

I rip off a piece of the box and say, “Get me more of these.” He can’t get my takeout order right a lot of the time, but he always comes back with the correct feminine hygiene products.

Edited to add: Oh, one time Target was out of my brand so he called from the aisle to ask if “super absorbency” and “ultra absorbency”…

All he needs is a spunky little side kick to help him on his cross country grifting.

Republican party to Trump: “please remove your gaping maw from our dog whistle. You’re getting spittle on it."

Yo im gonna steal this but sub out the rice for elbow macaroni. Be like, Hobo goulash