Did anyone else unwillingly envision Peter Pan getting his/her ass motorboated in this scene? That is ALL I COULD THINK OF.

Kenna needs to slow the fuck down.

I once severed my tongue (did you know they could reattach those?) in a library, on the first day after their renovations (I ended up volunteering there 15 years later, it was apparently legend.) I tripped and bit it clear off.

FOR THE LAUGHTER PART OF YOUR BRAIN!

I SAVE THE VEGETABLE TEMPURA!

I happened to catch an episode of America's Worst Cooks on FoodNetwork yesterday. Talk about shocking ability to function despite severe stupidity (when it comes to food) – one contestant wanted to make chocolate, so she mixed vanilla extract with brown sugar. HOW DOES THAT EVEN BEGIN TO MAKE SENSE?

ha! We used to tell him to "Get ready! Almost snack time!"

are you american? that's american af. SEX NO

My dad would always run away to the kitchen and start making himself a snack. He would stay there until the offending scene was over, looking guilty.

Isha, I'm going to let you in on a secret. The two week break isn't for the kids. It's for the poor teachers who have to deal with those assholes for a living.

She sounds like a class act, but I wouldn't trade my grandma for anybody.

A few years ago, my aunt wouldn't shut up about how she was getting into great shape for the family reunion cruise we were gonna take in May. My other aunts/her sisters aren't small women and didn't have nearly enough time to dedicate to getting in shape (and two couldn't afford to go), so it was kind of obnoxious.

For the mouth part of your face.

This is Marnie singing at the company party levels of embarrassing.

SOMEONE SAVE BREAD, PLEASE....

...he save bread...?

I always have a chuckle at people who passive aggressively take to social media to tell others they need to have more class.

This isn't a restaurant story but it is customer service related. I used to work at a call center. This dude i'll call 'Stompy' (the reason for which will become apparent later) was always kind of strange but overall a nice guy. Anyway, I'm two cubicles away from Stompy and it's a slow day so i'm just checking my…