What I'm most surprised by is how Vladimir Putin finds the time to referee. That guy is everywhere.

SHUT UP YOU'RE RUINING THE KITTEN BOX WITH YOUR TRUTH AND YOUR READING COMPREHENSION

That is Prudie's shtick. She makes terrible puns and is really sarcastic, even in response to letters about serious and tragic situations. It's obnoxious, but she does get some really crazy questions (which is why I am a committed hate-reader of her column).

I was holding it together until I got to your comment. Having worked in a bookstore your had me sobb laughing too, while fanning my face.

I can corroborate that secret shopper shit.

Caramel Machete is now my stage name. Called it.

I'm a barista in the Midwest. One of my coworkers started at Starbucks before coming to our shop; and had me in tears after he told me about a rednecky gentleman who came in to order one night. I guess this guy strode in and jovially, loudly asked him, "Hey man! Y'all got them, uh, caramel machetes here?!"

When I was in Europe, selling monogrammed thermoses, THEY would cook my steaks for me until it was tender, no matter how long it took. Americans are so lazy sometimes.

I think there are three characters in that book, and the third one is the reader. The boy never really sees the tree beyond his own needs. The reader sees the tree, and appreciates what she does, and wants things to be better for her, and (often) cries because they won't be.

But I really want Aunt Bernice and Jen Esposito to have a zany 70s web series where they just either crash parties or solve the mystery of the week, scooby doo style.

The people who were in charge of the Harry Potter sets should write a book about how to work with child actors in a way that helps them not completely lose their shit later in life, and then everyone in the entertainment industry who works with kids should have to read it.

Cafepress.com

This story is like 9 different stress dreams combined

How to train your cat: Observe what your cat likes to do. Pretend that's what you wanted your cat to do. DONE.

I know this might not be the best place to say it, but i just need to express my eternal gratitude to jezebel for having the only comments section anywhere on the Internet that fills me with joy instead of anger.

Well I'm glad someone finally recognized Halloween for what it is, yet another socialist reuse concocted to trick hard working rich people in to helping the less fortunate. I've been onto that scam for years which is why instead of handing out candy I hand out pamphlets carefully explaining to the children that they…

Poor John Oates

I used to offer to drop the billfold like a hockey referee dropping the puck.

Every Friday night, these two wonderful women come into the restaurant I work at at about 5pm and stay until 8:30 or so drinking and chatting and relaxing after a long work week. They always have kind words for my coworkers and me, and they are genuinely interested in seeing me pay for graduate school - so much so…

i WAS the goth kids most of my teen and young adult years and really appreciated a server who didn't make a big deal out of it.