Why do I continue to live in this stupid ass state.

Shut the fuck up, Tomato.

As a former soldier, this is appalling. I have many friends whose kids were born in Germany, Japan, and Italy. Now there will be questions as to whether their parents were American enough? I understand there are layers to this in regards to citizens born here vs. naturalized, but if you’re willing to carry a rifle for…

With absolutely no ill intent towards his mental issues, I really struggle to understand how Pete Davidson is even famous? 

This is Jezebel. Sometimes it’s totally proper to mock someone’s personal appearance, lifestyle choices, relationships, and mental or physical health. Other times, people react like you just smashed a puppy with a brick on YouTube. The fun part is that you never know which one it will be until you open the thread!

“Some people are fans of the Los Angeles Chargers.”

Roxanne! You don’t have to put on that red hat.

She’s just keeping one eye on the prize.

Yes. 

Thank you for remaining laser-focused on sports. 

“When they look at you in astonished dismay and ask ‘how can you sleep at night, having unleashed Donald Trump upon the country and world?’ you just give ’em a big smile and say ‘MyPillow(TM)!’”
- those ads, I assume

Confederate statues - “We need them! We need them as...uh...a constant reminder that slavery is bad! So we can learn from history or something!”

no

I look forward to the day when the rulebook takes four pages to define a clap. 

Can we all take a minute to acknowledge trailblazer Katy Perry for bisexualizing sexual harrassment? Another civil rights milestone!

“i kissed a girl, she disliked it” probably wouldn’t have been as big a hit

Ayyyy, Neera, shaddup a-you face, eh?

So I started physical therapy not too long ago and had a great session. At the end of the session, he asks, “Can I pray for you?” A little taken aback I say, “Sure. I mean I can’t stop you from doing it. ha. ha.”

Then he put his hand on my shoulder and started praying. It’s all I could do to not laugh.  I guess he…

Having seen this from relatives and coworkers in the past, if asked what good it did the answer would most likely be “It worked - the Lord made you call a tow truck.”

Sadly, this probably works every now and then, if only because some car problems are intermittent.