Well, you see, an omniscient and omnipotent being needs human prayer to be aware of something, and needs human contact to be able to affect something, which just makes total sense and isn’t 100% immediately and obviously ridiculous to anyone with even one functional neuron.

No, that’s a bitch move.  

when is somebody gonna do something about that white culture?

Exhibit #7,432 for why I stopped going to NFL games

“Behind every great man in a fight, is his girlfriend squawking like a crow with laryngitis.”

If the debates end up with these two it will likely just be them ramming each other with their Rascal scooters.

Will someone please shoot me into the sun?

Brace yourselves for the “SO PRESIDENTIAL” gushing over this charade. Will it be Jake Tapper first to sound the bell? 

You can't spell tariffs without FFS. 

You can still vote for him but you'll need to write it in. Good thing most Trump voters can't read and write.

Touched a nerve there, did they, Mitch?

Nah, not coming out. But Im sure we will find out about how his new hot 22 year GF “just gets him” was a major factor... (no news yet, but shes gotta be out there)

He’s basing this off that scene in Waiting 

30-Rock Steve couldn’t make it today. 

Pfft, we all know the DEA just covering for Mother.

STFU, Meghan.

loling at the idea that Trumps supporters care about anti-Semitism beyond “let’s troll teh libs”. Be best, big guy.

Paul proposed sitting down with Iranian Foreign Minister Javad Zarif to extend a fresh olive branch on the president’s behalf, according to four U.S. officials. The aim: to reduce tensions between the two countries. Trump signed off on the idea.

When you believe in a magical sky wizard you’ll believe anything. 

A gay, black, woman, just isn’t enough for you lefties, is it?