Hilariously, my ex was every single one of these. Thank you for making me smile about the breakup for what might be the first time.

.....

Well, he's warm, honest, and "shows respect to everyone," so interpret that as you will.

Ugh, the OKCupid creeper jerks are infiltrating LinkedIn too?

I don't know how I feel about this for dating, but I think it would be awesome if they made this instead for employers and job hunters. Every time I don't get a job, I have to sit there and wrack my brain. What is it?! Did I seem too nervous? Did I answer a question wrong? Was there a typo in my cover letter?

Ewwww, what do eyeballs even taste like? Gross, and ouch.

You talk about abortions like you just pick them up from the corner store on your way home. Even if abortions are legal and accessible where you live, there are still other things that could prevent a woman from getting one. Money is a huge factor. If the woman can't afford an abortion, should her partner be able to…

You win the award for most appropriate username!

Seriously, the hair is awful.

Hahaha. Most of them can't even string a sentence together, but get all annoyed when you don't answer them. Yeah, did you read my profile? You know, the one with complete sentences, proper capitalization, and fully spelled words? What made you think I'd respond to "hey u r prtty wanna tlk?" Oh, but it doesn't matter…

Seriously, preach. That's totally the basis for the whole "nice guy" thing. It's not that women don't like them. They just think they're entitled to the hottest of hotties, regardless of how attractive they are themselves.

Three lines in, I found myself fighting to maintain digestive composure.

I'm sorry, I find this creep-tastic and juvenile. People are not products you can just review on Amazon (or Yelp, I guess). And the subjects don't have the option of whether or not they would like to participate. I would be enraged if I found out people were rating me on some website I don't know about.

*females

At no point does he refer to "women." They're all females, girls, or my personal favorite, "big butts."

If you thought this was bad... for the love of God, do not click on the source article.

Nobody associated with my company will be even semi-attractive.

Let's also not forget that even if abortions are safe, legal, and available in a given area, they are really freaking expensive. So even if the mother agrees that she doesn't want to keep the baby, she might not be able to afford an abortion before most doctors will refuse to perform one.

Duh, being fat is contagious. It's just like being gay. The longer you're exposed, the more you'll be tempted towards... deviant lifestyles. Like gay marriage. And you know there's always cake at weddings. Temptation is all around us, so we must stay on the (heh heh) straight and narrow.

Yeah, I just hate when clothes go by waist size regardless. As someone with a pretty impressive waist-to-hip ratio, the size of my waist is not relevant to whether I will fit in the pants.