I’m a big fan of the ROC United Diners’ Guide, which details working conditions in national chains and 12 major U.S. markets. This year’s edition is an app, and you can still access last year’s as a PDF. They’re not trying to get you to boycott anything – they’re just encouraging you, the consumer, to let restaurant…

Definitely a mental issue. It’s called “I’m an asshole who can’t take no for an answer.”

He grinned at me, lifted his kilt and without even hesitating, flopped his sad, exposed wiener onto our stainless steel counter top.

Violence is seldom the answer.

And then there’s all the cool things our slaves built:

It was Adam. Adam’s married to Steve.

The Tito’s/Tanqueray thing reminds me of this time back in my mid-20s when I went to this party my then-roommate’s friends were throwing. I didn’t really know the people at this party, but there was free booze, so whatever. I’m making random small talk with this dude who, it became quickly apparent, was a total…

I’ll admit that woman made a pretty stupid statement, and the state of the American educational system is fucked, but goddamn, I’m tickled pink to read a comment from a German who, without a trace of irony or self-awareness, states that he wants someone arrested for saying what she thinks. Great shit, man. Thanks for…

My ex thought it was a good idea to move to another state and hide from child support. Since he had such a consistent history of cheating I thought it would be easy to track him down on Craigslist’s Missed Connections. Someone had to know him because he had penis and it did wander. A lot. He also loved to make sure…

I got him banned from his mother’s house, moved in with her myself, and she bought me a puppy.

I’d say a better way to protest would be to start up the movie, immediately pause it after one second in, and rate it at one star. At least the message will be clearer to Netflix, maybe?

OK, cool, so let’s stop subsidizing the fossil fuel companies too. Oh no! Our gas prices are $9/gal now!

I don't want to be a killjoy, but this very high tech stuff is useless to the people who need it most* - the ones who are struggling to pay bills. Even if I, or my friends, could somehow spare the money, we are only renting homes. The landlords barely comply with legal requirements, never mind investing in insulation,…

Once, an 8-top of Christians left one of those “Here’s a Tip for You!” pamphlets on my table, in lieu of a cash tip. I was sort of used to this, so I didn’t remark much, just tossed it into the bus tub with the rest of the debris, and a glower.

I once had a customer who ordered a cheeseburger with Swiss but got cheddar. When the mistake was realized, I apologized and offered her a free cookie. She replied, “Honey, if this is the worse thing to happen to be today, then I’ve got a pretty good life.” After getting bitched at by stuck up college kids and…

I’m from Arkansas and wanted a conflict-free diamond for my wedding ring. Bonus points from it being in my home state and all. Guess what...those muhfuckers are hella expensive. It would have cost less for me to fly to Africa and spend 6 months in a mine my dang self to find a certified conflict-free rock. I plan on…

20 tablespoons butter (you can mix with regular butter if you want to tinker with the strength)

The “No Bra,” “Beaver’s Breath,” and “Smoking Fox” names are especially awful, considering the high rates of sexual violence against Native women.

What does “quantifiably disgusting” mean? If he claims that’s science, tell him to jump off a cliff. My master’s in chemistry trumps his majoring in biochemistry. I am also immunocompromised. Send him an email or write a letter telling to wash his hands each time he uses the bathroom or prepares food because he is…