Bravo! People see me drinking my smoothies and juices and are all like, "are you on a cleaaaaaaaanse????" And im always like, "no, sucker, im drinking vegetables bc I hate chewing them. I like a liquid delivery system and I chew nothing but Nutella crepes."

Maybe I will come to your country and fuck all your bread!

Yeah I didn't get Serkis on the first listen, but now I do.

She usually eats in. But sometimes you just want to enjoy a meal you don't cook yourself, sometimes you don't have time to go home and eat, sometimes you want to go to dinner with your friends like a normal human. She's had the allergies her whole life, and she's pretty good at figuring out what she can and cannot eat…

Wtf?! That's so inefficient! It can't possibly be German!

Ha. I was working at an extremely popular home-style meat and three place one year as a waitress. This place was really popular with families after church and on holidays we were slammed. One Mother's Day, we had two cooks call out, a hostess just never show, and three waiters not show. It was a shit show. People were…

The bread thing is standard in Portugal. Most guidebooks will warn you about it, but that's just how they do appetizers. They deposit it on your table, and if you don't take a bite they take it away and present it to the next table. It's actually kinda nice once you get used to it.

you have my dream job

I came home with my test, found that my husband was taking a shower, so I peed on the stick, looked at it after like three seconds, and saw the double line. I said something like "HOLY FUCK, WE'RE PREGNANT." My husband almost passed out. It was great. :)

When I was a kid, I loved cheese more than anything. We went to a salad bar that had this giant bowl of cheese squares down at the end, by the rolls, which were under a warming light. I got about 15 cheese squares on my salad, not believing how lucky I was at this previously unknown bounty. SO MUCH CHEESE. I got back…

When I saw this headline after last week's stories, I was sort of hoping for a story about somebody actually eating the gratuity.

Because chicago dogs are gross/it was a really good picture of a hot dog.

UN-DER-SERVED

I can understand to an extent how someone might feel divided on this issue. The US values freedom of speech and religion very highly. People are allowed to stand outside clinics and shout abuse at women seeking abortions, or to picket funerals of dead soldiers and shout gay slurs. People are not protected from the…

Did anyone check if those steak people were werewolves? Did they ask if the silverware was stainless steel? I wouldn't go out on a full mo0n around that city.

As a frequent wedding vendor, based on the first letter alone, it was a possible interpretation that this photography company had no experience photographing for two grooms and wanted to turn it over to someone who did. A lot of traditional wedding photography involves a ton of stuff with the bride alone—putting on…

Diet coke tastes better.

You should voluntarily deport yourself to wherever your great-granparents slipped in from to have your grandmother anchor baby. It's never too late.

I was at Waffle House with a friend who had recently gone gluten free for medical reasons, and when he told the server he couldn't have wheat, she said, "We have white bread!" She was completely serious. Absolutely no clue about something that, while it wouldn't have killed him, could have killed someone else.