I've always found it ironic that we white people always seem to accuse the people we force (whether literally or through dearth of alternative employment) to do our most difficult, menial tasks of laziness. Blacks are lazy? Who the fuck performed manual labor of unspeakable difficulty for centuries without pay?…

and it's like...bull? like arent those muscles key for moving quickly?

I have a fucking degree in pastry arts from one of the top cooking schools in the country and yet I still can't make those fancy WS cake molds look like anything other than a pile of cake. And believe me, I've tried.

Six years ago my then 3 year old son saw the Santa version of the snowman pan in the catalog and asked me to get it. I did because I was 7 months pregnant and felt guilty about this being his last Christmas without a sibling. WORST DECISION. First, the fancy ass decorations in the catalog were done with fruit…

Right? Do they have Zabar's receipts for eyes? Woody Allen DVDs where their mouths should be? Head-to-toe Lincoln Center tattoos? Nonstop complaints about the 1? What's the tell?

What's wrong with upper west siders? I used to be one, and I'm the best! And even though I'm poor (cook's wages) I tip like crazy to make up for all those bad tippers out there. Was he using "upper west siders" as code for "Jewish?" Because I'm that too. This guy sucks.

sometimes i forget if narwhals are real or fictional, and then i google to check and i'm just SO STOKED every time i re-find out they're real.

I was going to comment about how I don't think he was trying to be racist but was just too stupid to realize that it was racist. Then he went "you're the real racist", and now it's fuck that dude. I see he just don't care.

In my experience, people who leave marriages that quickly either experience a very fast paradigm shift of some kind (traumatic event, big financial change, etc.) and/or the wedding occurred during the period when the relationship was initially/not-so-initially falling apart, but there was too much momentum. In an…

Okay, I might just be young and naive here, but one of my good friends recently went through this (married at 23, divorced at 25). I found that there is only one appropriate thing to say, which is "I'm here to support you. Let me know whenever you need me." And what followed were a lot of nights around a bottle of…

Hey. I like the way your article is sort of the anti-clickbait. It lured me in with a potentially boring mid-afternoon article about some rando winning money, and BOOM all the sudden... content?

My friend coined a new word -"Microprogressions"

Bikes are legal road vehicles anyway, they probably just didn't want to have to make something close to closing.

So I was listening to the Cracked podcast and apparently Florida has a unique open public records law. The assumption that weird crime and police encounters happen more often in Florida seems to be a bit of a myth and its just that other states don't have those bizarre specific details available for public consumption.

I once "rode" passenger in an imaginary car with two friends in the back seat through a jack in the box drive thru. The back seat made car noises and the driver "rolled" down his window. They served us. Maybe we just had better formation than this poor guy?

There are two things that should happen when you go to a restaurant near closing: you either get extra because the closing people don't want to deal with all of that food or you go find another place to eat because they ignore your ass. Getting arrested is never an option.

That's the exact same face I make when denied Chalupas.

This is adorable. Thanks for the tip!

OF COURSE U PUPPETS AT JEZEBEL WOULD IGNORE THE REAL STORY

Well, going to order one right now.