"The publicity team marketing the new Eminem album decided to create an Eminem profile on Instagram."
Ovdanyakad
ovdanyakad
You win an Internet today.
The Bjørn Identity.
I laughed at the signoff. I try to remind myself regularly that the poly people who I encounter on OkCupid are not representative of poly people everywhere, or even of poly people who are using the site. They're a particular subset of jackasses who are trying to convince single women who don't identify as poly to…
Between there being so many tweets that don't say anything posted lately and the new format being so hard to read, all I got out of that vomit was that some Hefner person does a lot of crystal.
Cagney's love interests had the sickest burns. My favorite is still Joan Blondell in "Footlight Parade" calling a woman named Mrs. Rich "Mrs. R, I mean, Mrs. B."
Craig Ferguson somehow found a way to pay homage to both Betty White and David Bowie in the same tweet? Genius!
Pam Grier is the third most gorgeous woman of all time, I swear.
I like how it's the SECRETARY'S job to hire secretaries.
Shit, pay me $25 an hour and I'll play matchmaker for guys who want to bang hot chicks and hot chicks who only want to bang rich guys all you want. It's a win-win-win situation.
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Hey, speaking of other 'phases' Katy Perry has gone through, don't forget 'edgy Christian gospel singer'!!!
The system might have failed Michael, but not in the way his mother thinks. It has failed him because he clearly needs psychiatric help and has failed to get it. It has not "failed" him by protecting Leslie from his persistent, scary advances. He should be kept away from her, forcefully if necessary, until such a time…
Get. The. Hose. If she's willin' to kneel there while getting hosed down by a high pressure nozzle then she can have the rhubarb.
The rhubarb lady's voice is classic. It's so hilariously bad it could only come from a comedy show. I don't believe this is actually her voice, it can't be.
That said, that's a whole lot of fighting over rhubarbs.
One more thing, that fence may not actually be the border of property. I think in some places it has to…
I think morning people are the big entitled assholes — they are so goddamn self-righteous and proud of their morning asses. They'll schedule shit for the ass-crack of dawn and act all superior when you show up shaking and looking like you just got whacked upside the head with a two-by-four. They brag about coming in…