*Ronnie

Am I a terrible person because I would take $200K for a 15 minute porn in a HEARTBEAT? And it doesn't even involve another person? Psh. Not even a heartbeat. Maybe half of one.

CABBED IT FROM NY TO LA?? I know where the cash went.

"A DPS detective told one student that the campus police determined that no rape occurred in her case because her alleged assailant did not orgasm."

At my university there was a string of sexual assaults on campus. In required emails of campus crime they would put the bulletins for everything else straight on the page. For sexual assaults they would put them in an attachment. I talked to them about this and I was in a major rage fit, so I don't remember how this…

I read that Rhinos aren't aggressive animals they just have really horrible eye sight and are really anxious animals so when something comes near it they charge the fuck out of it.

You've never had children? Then, with all due respect, you have no idea what the fuck you're talking about. If what you're saying were in any way correct, then EVERY GODDAMNED PARENT on earth would be losing their shit on service people on the regular. That doesn't actually happen, you see.

THIS IS WHY I'M MOVING OUT OF DC. Shitty, rude, entitled, shitty people.

Cynthia Nixon needs to chill

I would like to reiterate my theory that Keibler was just gettin' while the gettin' was good, which just happened to be for quite a while. Women aren't dumb. Few of us think we can change a man so fundamentally set in his way. She just wanted to get the most out of his castle (he has a fucking castle, guys) and then…

Remember, there are 23 hours, 59 minutes and 59 seconds more in each day. Now go fish those birth control pills out of the trash.

"That's it? That's just a Cheerios commercial."

Hey, fellow white ladies of Jezebel: Let's remember that a black kid is still dead, and his killer is still free. It's not about our feelings tonight, or about what black people say about us. It's about the fact that black lives do not, according to the state of Florida, and in American society at large, matter.

NO MORE JUSTIN BEIBER!!!!

Arrest the cheese

This reminds me of the one time my mother agreed to buy beer, for my college graduation party. She refused to go to the liquor store, lest anyone see her, so she sent my sister. She also refused to put all the bottles out at once for recycling, lest the garbage men think ill of her. She parceled those bottles out…

BUT WHICH MAGAZINE WAS IT.

In this day and age of easy internet access and streaming websites, who's "struggling with pornography?" I mean, there's a bunch of sites I could recommend.

...oh...

Your move Arizona.