That is the dumbest legal definition of assault. Sounds tailor-made for abusive spouses, who as we all know tend to be experts in causing invisible bodily injury.

His Wikipedia has already been edited. Beautifully.

Oh, it will. I can just see the headlines now:

And you’d know all about pussies wouldn’t you Ms Slocombe.

Oops, he read that memo wrong. He’s supposed to grab a woman by her pussy, not body slam a man. Totally messed up. He might lose now!

i think this might be too late so not enough people will know about this assault, but i would love to be wrong

Well the pain wasn’t all that bad. Only when I had to pee. Then I had to make sure to move my labia out of the way every time, otherwise it felt like a thousand irate bees attacking me. It took about a couple weeks to heal so I could pee freely. But 4 weeks until it was completely healed.

Hold up. You can’t just nonchalantly post a story about how they ripped off some of your labia and then come across like a sponsored ad for an epilator! We need details. Like, how mad/hurt were you? Were there screams? Blood? Did they offer your money back? How long did it take you to bury their body?

I think you have to enjoy pain a little bit.

Yes. He has had a shitload of surgery, is younger than her, and has had a much less stressful life. That is how 60 year old women all over the world actually look.

Go ahead and ruin the few things left that I like about you Cruise.

She looks like a normal woman who hasn’t had heaps of plastic surgery on her body or face and doesn’t employ a personal trainer and cook to keep her at a strict, ultra-cut size, yes. Tom Cruise has not only done all of that but is about 6 years younger than her, so of course they look different.

Not holding my breath.

I was just talking about that this morning. I will be surprised as hell if they let a 60-year-old, short-haired, bigger-than-a-size-4 lesbian who appears not to have had plastic surgery anywhere near this movie. Not holding my breath.

I made it 5 minutes before I realized that he wasn’t going to find Bubba.

If it weren’t for the whole Scientology thing he’d probably be one of the most liked stars as a person in Hollywood.

If it weren’t for the whole Scientology thing he’d probably be one of the most liked stars as a person in Hollywood.

I loathe him but that’s pretty funny.

Right into the danger zone...