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Did Lochte lie or just shade the truth? The story on deadspin published last night seems to be the most accurate and comprehensive order of events.

4 piss ass drunk swimmers vandalize a gas station at 6am. Security comes up and demands compensation speaking a foreign language and a gun may or may not have been drawn.

In…

Here’s what the second paragraph says, (I lived in Rio for a year, live with a Brazilian and speak pretty fluent Portuguese):

I understand your concern but don’t know why you’re implicating me in all this.

The deviation was not as pronounced as the margins from Barcelona, but Revzin discovered an average of a 0.2 percent advantage for each lane a swimmer moved closer to 8. If that seems inconsequentially small, it’s worth pointing out that the winner in the women’s 50 meter freestyle only beat the sixth-place finisher…

An additional, though small, data point is that swim meets generally seed lanes to the low-number side of the pool; that is to say, lane 1 is a higher seed than 8, lane 2 a higher seed than lane 7, lane 3 a higher seed than lane 6, and lane 4 (the highest seed) than lane 5. If lanes 5-8 are the ones outperforming, the…

Or the fact that he says they were robbed by a cop.

Phew, for a second there I thought the Brazilian police might be corrupt.

Thank you for representing every day of my pathetic life, Jeffrey Julmis.

She is not a smart person.

He could always just tattoo the Gold Medal around his neck.

I’ve seen almost no whining except for people who claim that others are whining about it.

Papelbon’s gonna be in so much trouble when Trump’s “Speak English” program kicks in.

As little luck as possible should be a factor in a race that is decided by tenths (and often hundredths) of a second.

What a fucking shit this woman is.

OR

I hear they’re going to raise this flag at the podium ceremony anyway.

Where the fuck is my daily Mitch Hedberg quote?

I don’t get it. Touching hands is a lot less physical contact than getting your ass handed to you.