I am a translucent Vrgydd from VY Canis Majoris 8 (our species is hermaphroditic). I have no stake in this. My planet’s liquid surface is several thousands of miles below the gaseous methane strata that I typically inhabit so the concept of swimming is utterly foreign to me. I am completely unmoved.

“I’m not making another fucking web, OK?”

Come on, Barry. I would much rather see A-rod play than sit, but to say the Yankees aren’t playing for anything is disingenuous. They are 4.5-games off of the second wild card and they have, according to Nate Silver’s blog, an 8% chance of making the playoffs. Is that great? Hell no! Are they going to make the…

There’s no way I can lose this bet unless, of course, my fifteen all-stars fall victim to fifteen separate misfortunes and are unable to play tomorrow but that will never happen.
Three misfortunes, that’s possible. Seven misfortunes, there’s an outside chance. But fifteen misfortunes—I’d like to see that.

I believe 164 BCE was also the last time a Buffalo sports team was in the playoffs.

When we’ve finally annihilated the traditional aspects of our culture so thoroughly that even dressage is publicly scorned, and when we elect Hillary Clinton and the Russians hack her e-mail again before their invasion, you and your ilk like Princess Patrick Red Ford will be glad to have someone around who can command…

“Naaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!!!!”

That's three questions, dumbass.

How is Lilly King “hypocritical” or “disingenuous” if she swims clean and agrees that Justin Gatlin deserves a permanent ban? Try blowing the dust off a dictionary and read the definitions of those two words. She may be naive, and if you want to call her an asshole, fine, your opinion... but the rest of your judgment…

Zachary D. Manprin: Cardinal Fan or Schiano Man?

“Many people are telling me they agree with my #nuclearoption. Losers clearly don’t support @TeamUSA. Sad!”

Good Lord, I’d really like to think that “Brad” isn’t just a second Burner you created to make the joke land, and I will continue thinking that because it makes the world a better place for me.

Can we hire this grounds crew for the Pro Bowl?

Great googly moogly.

Well, that about wraps up the case, then! Good work, detective!

It’s not really an accusation so much as it’s stating a fact. On top of the ridiculous state-sponsored doping program that basically every single Russian Olympic athlete is complicit in, Efimova has 2 failed drug tests on her resume. Saying that she’s a drug cheater is no more accusatory than saying that the pool is…

This would make sense if this was doubles and Gonzalo Higuain was his partner.

Congratulations to the Cardinals for turning two double plays.