My ignorance is quite vast (I suspect yours is too).

I've no idea how close we are to developing non-murderous PEDs, or if we are there already. But the endgame of anti-doping should not be to prevent another Barry Bonds from happening. It would be to prevent Marco Pantani from happening. The only logical reason to…

Deadspin, you and your stories. Rio's a shitshow. Beer kills brain cells.

It’s almost as if women are actual human beings who crave human interaction; not vapid, soulless holograms, who only and barely exist for the sole purpose of getting pulled by superior males.

As far as I am concerned, the only PEDs that should be banned are whatever threatens to kill an athlete. So that either rules out or restricts blood doping and steroids. Once you start getting into the spirit of the game and whatnot, that's where WADA is venturing way out of its area of jurisdiction.

Playing A-Rod would be a perfect way to tank and get butts in the seats!

They’d get a lot more fans into the seats by turning a 5 game wild card deficit into something like 2-3 games. That way, you’re at least kinda maybe playing for something.

It's not really superstars or exciting players that sell tickets. It's staying in playoff contention that sells seats.

Incidentally, is there any less of a "right way" to win a championship than by winning 83 games in the regular season, then winning a tournament that is widely regarded as a crapshoot?

I have considered how sad I would be to see cold nations get upstaged by American swimmers and have decided to soften my position.

There's probably a Mitch Hedberg joke in here about how he's capable of caring for himself, thankyouverymuch.

Hey now, the Cards still have a 1.8% chance of winning the division.

“If the legend who carried them to a World Series title in 2009 isn’t worthy of participating in those games, then I don’t know who is.”

Just a guess, but maybe somebody who is at least playing at replacement level? Someone who either plays defense or is safely above the Mendoza line? I mean seriously, just one of the…

This is a silly criterion. A sport’s seasonality should be based on what season it’s played, like in high school. Not weather the playing surface is below freezing.

Oh sure but when Arsene Wenger fucks up and lets Messi run around the pitch unchecked, he ends up with unlimited job security.

Actually, he used to play baseball for the Red Sox and the D-Backs.

Since when does skating on ice, indoors, require a wintery outdoor climate?

There's a debate about whether Joey Votto is good?

It's primarily decent people who are opposed.

I only regret that you have but one internet to win for your post.

You do realize you’re thinking like an accountant, right?

“six figure purchasing decision”
“savings”
“purchase price”
“perceived reliability”

Forgoing small savings because you are more concerned about larger savings.

Oh sure, but when I blame the camera, I'm "in denial" and "Pudgy McPudgeface" and "WTF are you chugging cups of mayo again?"