I weave so goddamn hard I always break the loom.

Your thor? I'm tho thor I can hardly pee!

I was huffing glue, there was a party, I tried talking to a girl but she was making fun of me and I didn't realize it until the next day, I talked to some guy and we were going to spontaneously start a band but neither of us had any instruments, I went to my car to leave and realized my keys were still in the car,…

My first DVD was the Criterion collection's collection of Beastie Boys videos. I bought my first DVD player just to be able to watch that.

This is my lawn. And motherfucker, if you don't get off it, I'll bury you under it.

1997 was a good year for drugs and booze. Because I spent the first half of the year 20 years-old, and the second half of the year 21 years-old.

And that's why you're banned form all drug stores in Missouri, Richard Gere.

All that media coverage had me confused. I spent weeks assuming OJ killed her.

Holy shit, 1997 did kick ass, didn't it?!!

For me, the thing the thing I remember is when I had to start writing "1982," I thought "This blooowwwws!" I suddenly missed writing "1981."

We don't need a wall. We need a moat! A moat so big it would be like a river. And the only suitable name for a river this magnificent would be the Grand River. Or, in Spanish, so the Mexicans could appreciate this structure, too, we could call it the Rio Grande.

I'm reminded of Kings of Leon freaking out because they were getting shat upon by a bunch of pigeons during a concert.

Fucking great. I just know there's going to be a film version of his life story starring Rob Schneider. What did WE do to deserve this?

I also ranked their 165 songs. It was pretty easy. They're all tied for last place.

Then you'd love me!

Oh, sure, the old "big bags of cocaine" defense.

This article tried too hard and yet was painfully unfunny.

Rap? In the '09's? Misogynistic?

Why is your cereal called "Raisin Hell?"

AHAHAHAHAHA!!!