Harmless?! Look at what she did to John Lennon!

Sarah Palin is the Yoko Ono of criminal stupidality. I don't know what exactly that means, but it feels right.

U2 has a bassist?

Don't get me wrong. I don't feel sorry for the guy. But if I'm going to have to keep seeing pictures of him, I'll buy him a bottle of shampoo and get him a haircut.

Holy shit. I just realized Trump IS @RepostedAvengedSevenfoldFan2

Nope. You're fucked.

That's ridiculous. He texts her, of course.

Question:
If David Lynch is becoming the James Joyce of… film/TV/video, is he more Ulysses or Finnegans Wake?

You don't want to go see them in Knoxville, Tennessee?

He'll be performing with them as a hologram.

Surprisingly, no, it's just MP3 files from Duran Duran's greatest hits.

This jerk gets to wear a bucket on his head. But when I wear a KFC bucket on my head and don't leave the house for 6 months it's suddenly "grounds for divorce." This is bullshit, man.

"Bell Bottoms" is a great track to sample. I'm surprised it hasn't happened more often.

The same- the plan is super-friendly yet heartbreaking.

My lazy approach to parenting has been to look at what Rob Schneider is doing and then I do the opposite of that. It's worked out pretty well so far.

Ketchup goes on spaghetti. It's called spaghetti Napolitan.

I found that statistic to be a bit misleading. Sure, we consume 71 pounds a year. But only half that is injected directly into our veins.

Americans consume an average 71 pounds of sweet tomato sauce each year. That's why we have an obesity epidemic. It's also why our president has an unnatural orange hue.

They should have gotten Kevin Smith in there to finish it. Just turn the whole thing into an insane incomprehensible mess. Not that I'd watch it, but it's something i want to exist.

He announces new albums more often than the average person goes to the dentist? So you're saying they release albums about once every 7 years? Who do they think they are, the Beastie Boys?