You shut your mouth. Garlic in everything.

“At an orgy” is always the appropriate response when someone asks you how you broke something.

“Be yourself always no matter what.”

your mom has definition

Tim Hiddleston is mine. When he was in Crimson Peak and Only Lovers Left Alone.

They always rise again.

You know that whole “oh, either there’s chemistry or there isn’t” thing? He was the dude I had awkward silences and weird, stunted conversations with, which would be dismissed according to the “dating” rules. And we ended up getting married, especially because we are both introverted and awkward people.

Mine was a quasi-hookup, but bear with me. These dudes who lived together in a house while attending college were close-knit so they had a “post-Christmas” in February, in one of the dudes’ ranch in the countryside. I was invited by my BFF, one of the dudes’ girlfriends, and I was newly single, so I went. There was…

Just to clarify, I would not fuck Ditto the Pokemon.

and current Jackie O

she wants to live like common people
she wants to do whatever common people do
she wants to hike with common people
like you

Some people even carry MRSA as part of their normal flora and they never develop an infection from it.

I used to watch Bourdain’s shows, but I got tired of his pompous attitude. Don’t get me wrong, I think Fieri is a flaming d-bag, it’s just that Bourdain’s the polar opposite, he comes off as an elitist d-bag when he describes the places he visits and the foods that he has eaten. I say give them both chef knives and…

I love Ina and here is why... I truly believe that Ina is what my mother would have been had she been rich (and able to cook).

AND she’s genuinely nice. Like, that’s her real personality, that we see on TV. Warm, gentle, welcoming. I’ll bet she gives the best hugs.

That's why I never judge people for smoking. Little things keep you going sometimes. For me it's makeup, for some it's smoking.

That, or it’s the world’s most awkward o-face.

The first image in this GIF is the face of madness.

If I don’t buy the coffee, I feel sad and buy the shoes or $50 worth of makeup. SO I CAN SPEND 3 BUCKS NOW OR $150 BUCKS AND THE $3 EVENTUALLY LATER.

I, too, live with two kids and a husband plus have a full-time job (for the time being). I paint my nails all the time and watch crappy crappy television. My husband makes fun of me, but, seriously, my life is hectic and stressful enough I don’t care about Walter White and what his descent into criminality means about…