He’s not the Messiah. He’s a very naughty boy!

Mahk is the best. Love that guy.

As someone who grew up 30 minutes away, your take that either Graceland or Lamoni is “very pretty” is the very definition of hot garbage. It’s the shittiest part of Iowa, that’s including Council Bluffs.

Whoa! Heads-up! Hot take, coming up!

And of all people: teens? Hey, fuckstick, you know why teens aren’t keen on buying Cadillacs? As a dad, let me clue you in on something...they’re fucking teens!!! Odds are they’re going to put their first car into a ditch or the ass-end of another car, which is why my kids are going to tool around in a ‘95 Accord with…

Get this guy a merlot Bro-Ham.

You’re burying the lede here. What’s this about a nude portrait of Sarah Palin above the bar? You reference that and don’t have a pic? Shame. And $5 shots of Cuervo?!? That’s outrageous!

They tried to deliver the cheese, but the truck carrying it wrecked on the way. De Brie was everywhere.

Have you seen Buzz’s girlfriend?...Woof.

Shareef don’t like it.

Treat Williams was the bomb in The Phantom, yo.

I hope they spend the day with Obama, just to piss off the orange dotard.

Idiots

Layla is more iconic, but give me “Then He Kissed Me” from *THE* tracking shot going into the Copa. One of my favorite scenes ever. 

Maybe the car is just blurry, like Bigfoot.

I played 3 years Super League when it was still active. I saw 2, maybe 3 legitimate fist fights. Sure, tempers flare and the game’s physical, outright fist fights rarely happened in my experience.

I can’t wait to hop in my GAC and take a drive down to Racist Park.

Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, that they didn’t stop to think if they should.

These are all great entries, but, it is lacking in one of the all time great douche canoes: James “Got any cocaine” Woods in real life, and as far as roles? Pick any, but I’m going with Lester Diamond in Casino.

I use this line no less than once a week at work. Nobody ever gets it, I get strange looks, but it always makes me smile a little on the inside.