Wife gets invite from friend. Would you like to come to my party? Sure! Finds out later she meant Pampered Chef. Now my wife (and I, by default) is the proud owner of a $35 pizza stone. Let me tell you something: That $35 pizza stone doesn’t make Jack’s pizza taste any more awesome than it already does and I make sure…

George Zimmerman is masturbating furiously while he reads this story.

I got a lot of problems with you people! And now you’re gonna hear about it! You, Krueger. My son tells me your company stinks!

In case you need a Hall and Oates fix, remember, you can always ring up Callin’ Oates at 719-266-2837.

And he knows it. He said as much over a year ago when both Republicans and Democrats still had a chance to stop him.

The director of Temple of Doom would likely disagree with you on that. Not that I don’t agree with you...

I like the juxtaposition of putting a racist image above Furman. Sorry for your school’s unfortunate name. *yes, I know it’s Fuhrman.

Was your dad’s friend’s name Papshmear and did this shady favor involve assassinating a well-known monarch?

Good enough for Sammy and Dean, good enough for me. Bless you!

No, it’s Turd Ferguson.

If he was the girlfriend of any of the other players, he would’ve likely been punched out by now.

My 1999 Nissan Xterra was the worst vehicle in recorded human history. Even the goddamn bandaids in the “emergency medical kit” didn’t work.

Hey, just imagine the shitshow if it was the other way around...

La La Land wins for best reenactment of the Atlanta Falcons Super Bowl LI performance

Meh, can’t be any worse than driving around on any one of Missouri’s highways.

Larry Eustachy would beg to differ.

I would’ve expected this kind of thing from Preston Brooks University.

Westminster is a bunch of bitches.

Your government is too busy trying to figure out how guns in hospitals will get them out of an economic abyss to worry about an airport. In the meantime, it’s always a pleasure seeing JoCo plates at the best BBQ joints in town (the world?) and at our museums, Bartle Hall, casinos, and all the other aforementioned…

But they’re pretty quiet during the months of August-November. No, literally. Go to Memorial Stadium on game day and the 7-8 fans that are there have apparently taken a vow of silence.