But not a Jeep Nukizer beater. Damn you, Jeep! Build this!!!

So, you take a 707 hp car and give free rides...in city traffic, where you’ll never get above 40 mph. Biggest cocktease ever. The automotive equivalent of blue balls.

As a high school teacher, I’m torn between wanting to drink myself into a stupor because of the nature of my job, yet also having to deal with teenagers while nursing a hangover. It’s a vicious cycle. Fuck. Why didn't I stay in law school?

Colonel Angus?

I scrolled down hoping someone would mention this. In the book, he goes out of his way to address the cheap multi-tool that was gifted to him.

A son, huh? Lucky bastard. I have twin 4 year-old daughters. I had to keep them in the stall with me one time while I pinched one off in a Chic-fil-A. Next time I’ll just shit my pants. It’ll be better for all parties.

So, wearing sweatpants sans underwear to the strip club is something I have to earn? Bullshit to that, I say!

I kept watching, waiting for the claws to come out of the tires. Kinda disappointed.

That’s what they call a “fight” huh? These two could put on a better fight right now.

I hear the grille alone costs five grand.

The Philippinos are not to be trifled with. They’ve been adept at killing for a long time. They still train with these and are damn deadly:

My old man’s HHR from back in the day. It, much like my old man, was quite a character.

European Vacation also had boobs, which is almost always a good thing. Something sorely missing in Christmas and Vegas.

Not to get into semantics, but that’s not the Eagles, that’s Joe-fucking-Walsh. Don Henley/The Eagles are what your dentist listens to when he’s washing his base-model Corvette in the driveway and drinking the 3 Bud Light Limes his wife limits him to.

Of course it's zero horsepower, they would drown!

Welcome to the Willenium.

Look at that S car go.

According to Kluwe, this was the *least* offensive thing found in the Metrodome. He told me while giving me my change at Chipotle.

Sure it’s hilarious! Did you ever make it to a Twins or Vikings game? It’s the first thing you noticed (okay, maybe second...after the smell).