That's small town. Lotta guys making big plans, conquer the world...then they wake up one day, 38 years old, still in the same town, wife, 3 kids, selling insurance...and for some, that's okay. For others, well, they find a way to fuck it up and say "if I woulda" to the barkeep every Friday. "Life's what happens when…

Honey nut Cheerios at 9? Shit. You best not let Omar see you put that shit so far down the list.

Let's see this candy ass say this in front of the All Blacks, after he pisses down his leg.

Bronco? Jeep? Neither, it's an International Scout.

I want to get a 12 pack of Olympia, hit the town & chase some college tail with this guy. Not even being sarcastic here.

Turns out he was hit in the head with this:

TK 421, why aren't you at your post?

Blame all the jalops that kept posting porn in the comments. By porn, I mean clips of a Hellcat melting its tires off.

I can eat 50 eggs.

1st place Kansas City Royals...in August. Cue the Apocalypse.

Note to Junior: Make sure your PR/social network guy has a reading level above the 3rd grade. It's "lose". Then again, I doubt your fans will notice.

I am Groot.

If the raccoon sounds like Bradley Cooper, that's not necessarily a bad thing.

The Don Henley cover? Yay/Nay? I allow it, but like everything, Leonard Cohen does it better.

That's what you get when you find a stranger in the Alps.

Shut the fuck up, Donny! You're out of your element!

I don't know about "Best in Class", but I know that "Best in Show" is one of the funniest damn movies ever.

Anecdote: Saw CC back in their hey-day ('94?) in Springfield, MO. This guy acted like a petulant ass towards the audience. Happy 50th, asshole. Happy Friday, everyone else.

The chick in the bikini is a nice...touch.

How could America's penis get more "bent out of shape"?