I'd read the hell out of this guy's books.

I'll give it this: It managed to work "Fuck me Freddy" (whatever the hell that means) into one of my go-to phrases.

Awesome shirts...unless you don't want people to see your armpit sweat. Not exactly a "cool" look in junior high.

I am Groot.

If the raccoon sounds like Bradley Cooper, that's not necessarily a bad thing.

Ah, another kid on the internet playing tough-guy.

...and I feel bad for them. That book was terrible. It's up near the top of Stephen King's lousiest work.

Maybe you should sample some of those edibles and mellow your shit out, man.

They took over the Earth, too? Crap, as if foisting "Money for Nothing" on us wasn't bad enough...

Doesn't DC put the bodies of dead women in the refrigerator?

The Don Henley cover? Yay/Nay? I allow it, but like everything, Leonard Cohen does it better.

That's what you get when you find a stranger in the Alps.

Shut the fuck up, Donny! You're out of your element!

I don't know about "Best in Class", but I know that "Best in Show" is one of the funniest damn movies ever.

Anecdote: Saw CC back in their hey-day ('94?) in Springfield, MO. This guy acted like a petulant ass towards the audience. Happy 50th, asshole. Happy Friday, everyone else.

Are you new to America? We live by the credo that anything worth doing is worth overdoing. We've got guys that put smokestacks and testicles on their trucks and women that get ass implants for Christmas for fuck's sake.

Goddammit, Colorado & Washington! Get your shit together, or you're going to fuck everything up for the other 48 of us! Sincerely, Missouri

Best episode: Apache Chief/A Very Personal Injury. Pure electricity...

The chick in the bikini is a nice...touch.

How could America's penis get more "bent out of shape"?