English teacher moment: “hurtling,” not “hurdling.” Unless the plane was leaping over fixed barriers, which would use up all the little paper bags.

Dammit, stop slicing onions on the spoiler. You’ll nick the new paint.

Well done Internet. Way to use your powers for good.

Even the assholes are bigger in Texas.

He looks 12...

I’m a wife and a neighbor, so I have decided I represent all wives and neighbors. I emphatically believe that no wife or neighbor would ever fuck Rand Paul.

I had a neighbor whose noise annoyed me for YEARS. When I started daydream about setting his house on fire, I decided to move.

Put me in a room with Melania Trump and the guy who cleans the toilets in LAX and guess who I’ll fanboy over.

Put me in a room with Melania Trump and Philip Glass and guess who I’m going to fanboy over.

1985

It doesn’t take a Beyonce to show up Melania; Debbie Gibson, or Gloria Estefan would do.

Also, “Biggest British motoring failure” isn’t the kind of headline language which narrows down the field to a point.

You mean son?

Anybody can get a little nutty about something they really care deeply about, but rich people are straight up bananas about their real estate and what they perceive to be their property rights. My boss has been a member of a yacht club for decades and lives in one of these fancy neighborhoods (but is himself a…

I’m not saying that he got caught fucking his neighbor’s wife but I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that he got caught fucking his neighbor’s wife.

I’ve tried this off and on and it’s extremely depressing to realize that even $600 blouses at Nordstrom are made in China. They just have bigger profit margins. And while I’ve heard that there are factories in China (for example) that adhere to fair labor laws, I’m pretty fucking skeptical.

outcast “coalitions” of two to four male lions don’t get to have sex with females until their take over a pride.

Also, I think it’s totally okay to dress up as people of other races for Halloween if it’s genuine, specific, and doesn’t involve any kind of ethnic caricaturization.

Counterpoint: fuck shoes. Let her be.

This.