He pulled himself up by his nutstraps!

(Via Google)

I think about the juxtaposition of our romantic love as we architect our opportunity cost of shared living. My dearest Jared, albeit, you are the flawless manikin to actualize the brand of my heart. I look forward to otherwise consolidating our togetherness for another centennial.

Darling... Your passionate analytics and seamless integration of sustainability and storytelling help me to downsize my enterprise. The knowledge you bring of offshoring opportunities, data mining collaboration and scalability pushes me to think outside of the box.

“Hey, I’m outside a person’s house, doing a welfare check because the door’s open. Well, obviously it’s a break in. No one would just leave their door open. Wait, the screen door is closed. Maybe someone left the door open to get some fresh air. Nope, that can’t be it. Must be something nefarious. Pull out gun.…

Okay so Tiffany’s awful because she’s a Trump, got it.

Can I check when it’s open season on Barron? Looking forward to that one. As soon as he’s 21, gonna start making fun of his Aspergers.

I don't see traces of my neighbors at 2 am because it's fucking 2am

Man fuck this shit

First of all, since the fuck when is an open door cause for 5-0 to be all up in yoiur house, peeping in and shooting from outside like they don’t have any goddamn sense?

I really want to ask the average American in their 20s, 20 years ago, questions about Tony Blair. I’m willing to bet there’s a scary number of Americans who think the Queen runs the show over there.

Given how many grown adults in the US were completely obtuse to Bush then and remain so now, I’m inclined to give the famous actress from a different country a break.

So now we’re shitting on people for reaching the right conclusion but not being super aware of world events in their 20's. Just wanna be clear on this. That’s our new bar. You suck if you didn’t know about stuff in your 20's that you should have. 

Family Guy? Yes, I agree! Rick and Morty? No, because I choose not to let the fact that a bunch of shitty, toxic neckbeards are big fans of it for all the wrong reasons ruin my own enjoyment of one of the best animated shows of the past decade. You’re free to disagree, of course—there’s no accounting for taste. But…

This is the most ridiculous smear of Yang I have seen thus far, congrats.

I’ve been slapped a time or two in my life for saying something dumb and shitty

Miller does not give one single fuck. He wasn’t “humilated” at all. In fact, it’s mission accomplished. Obfuscate, lie, confuse. Facts don’t matter. What we need to hope is that the shit he and the rest of his goons sling doesn’t stick this time. 

Thank you. As someone who is old enough to remember when one could smoke everywhere — movie theatres, restaurants, etc., this defense of Big Tobacco in any form is reprehensible. We had come so far in dissuading people from smoking, and yet, here we are all over, again.

Jesus Christ. This is like deja vu all over again. This is the kind of shit my mother said. “I’ve smoked for thirty years and I’ve never been sick a day in my life.”

“I have been Juuling for years . . . Common sense would dictate that if vaping were so dangerous that we all need to stop vaping immediately, that people would have fallen sick before this summer.”